Webside humour
Miser

ONE day, while eating fish, a bone became lodged in a miser’s throat and within minutes he could scarcely breathe.`A0 His wife frantically called the family doctor, who arrived just as the patient’s face was turning blue.`A0 The physician quickly removed the bone with a pair of forceps. After he was breathing normally again, although overwhelmed with gratitude to the doctor for saving his life, he began to worry about the medical fees.

Trying his best to keep his costs down, he turned to the good doctor and asked, "How much do I owe you for this small two-minute job?"

The doctor, who knew his patient’s miserly habit all too well, replied, "Just pay me half of what you would have when the bone was still stuck in your throat!"

Late one Sunday afternoon, a blonde from a small town was taking a long walk through a nearby meadow when she was surprised to see a parachutist trapped in the high branches of a tree.

"Helllllp!" he cried when he spotted her down below.

"What are you doing up there?" she called back.

"I was skydiving," he answered, "and my parachute didn’t open!"

The blonde rolled her eyes.`A0 "Well, of course it didn’t. If you’d just asked one of the locals, anybody could’ve told you that ‘nothing’ around here opens on a Sunday!"

The Walton’s invited their new neighbors over to dinner. During dinner Mr Walton was asked what he did for a living. Eight-year-old Brian Walton jumped in and said, "Daddy is a fisherman!" To which Mrs Walton replied, "Brian, why do say that. Your daddy is a stockbroker, not a fisherman." "No mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says ‘I just caught another fish’.

The lawn mower was broken and the wife kept hinting to her husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally she thought of a clever way to make the point. When her husband arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out again. He handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma