Webside humour
Pig

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?"

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "Which end of the fork are you referring to?"

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me — is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that’s holy that he is your son." With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God, he didn’t ask about the other three."

Santa and Banta are visiting London for the first time. They see a sign reading, "Suits £15, Shirts £2, Trousers £3." "Wow," says Banta. "we should snap up some of these bargains and sell them at a profit when we get home." Santa agrees and they go into the shop. "Twenty suits, 50 shirts and 30 pairs of trousers, please," says Santa to the assistant behind the counter. "You’re not from around here, are you?" said the assistant. "No," answered Banta. "How did you know?"

The assistant replies, "This is a dry cleaners’ shop".

A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, and I’m not sleeping. What is it, Doc?" The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can’t find anything wrong. It must be the drinking."

"Fair enough," replied the lush. "I’ll come back when you sober up."

A father finds his four-year-old daughter outside brushing their dog’s teeth using his toothbrush. Dad asks, "What are you doing with my toothbrush?" The daughter replies, "I’m brushing his teeth".

"What? with my toothbrush?" the father retorted.

Don’t worry dad, I’ll rinse it out when I’m done just like I always do."

There were two guys on a motorcycle driving down the road. The driver was wearing a leather jacket that didn’t have a zipper or any buttons. Finally, he stopped the bike and told the other guy, "I can’t drive anymore with the air hitting me in my chest." After thinking for a while he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. So they were driving down the road when they met with an accident. The farmer that lived there called the police and told them what happened.

The police asked him, "Are either of them showing any life signs?"

The farmer then said, "Well, that first one was till I turned his head around the right way."

A man said to his wife one day, "I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Very simple. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Compiled by Sunil Sharma