Webside humour
Retirement party

The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself. The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff "miss" him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, "Without you, the company will never be the same," "We will always remember you," etc.

Obviously the boss was not satisfied. "I need something from the core of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay, Rahul, you have been working with me for the last 20 years. You are my best staff. I am retiring now. What do you have to say?"

Slowly but firmly, Rahul wrote, "The best news in 20 years."

Seb Coe, the Olympic Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a club with some friends.

At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said, "Sorry, mate, you can’t come in here - no denim."

Seb was quite annoyed at this and retorted, "Don’t you know who I am?`I’m Sebastian Coe."

"Then it won’t take you long to run home and change, will it?" replied the bouncer.

A married couple is driving along a motorway doing a steady 50 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "Darling," he says. "I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce".

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 55 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly, and slowly increases the speed to 65. He pushes his luck. "I want the house", he says insistently. She takes the speed up to 70. "I want the car, too." She continues and takes the car up to 75 mph. "And," he says, "I’ll, of course, keep all the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the plane." The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a bit nervous, so he asks her: "Isn’t there anything you want?" The wife at last replies, in a quiet and controlled voice.

"No, I’ve got everything I need." she says.

"Oh, really?" he asks, "So what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him, smiles and says: "The airbag."

Compiled by Sunil Sharma