Webside humour
Breath test

A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blows, the thing shows: positive. He protests, cries he is a teetotaller and that the instrument isn't working properly. He says his wife is also a teetotaller. She blows, again positive. Then he gives it to their little kid on the backseat — also positive. The ashamed policeman lets them go. They take off and the man says to his wife: And you kept telling me don't give the kid any alcohol, don't give the kid any alcohol.

A woman while paying at the jeweller's shop said:

"Sorry that the banknotes are so wet... My husband was crying hard when he gave them to me."

Amy and Jamie are old friends. They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore. "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jamie.

"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

Zeroes

A blonde businessman calls his secretary:

"Lena, how many zeroes are there in one million?" "Six." He hangs up and says to his partner, "You see? Six zeroes in one million. So in two million there are twelve!"

A man wrote to the Income Tax Department: "My conscience has been pricking me. I have been unable to sleep knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $200. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."

A warden sped up to a man peacefully fishing in his boat where a sign read "No fishing."

"Don't you see the ‘no fishing’ sign?" asked the game warden. "Yes, I see it," the man said calmly. "Do you know I can fine you for breaking the law?" the warden asked angrily. "But sir, I am not breaking the law," the man declared. "You're holding a fishing rod with a worm attached to it. If you are not fishing, then what are you doing?" the warden asked sarcastically.

"Well, I am teaching my worm how to swim!"

— Compiled by Sunil Sharma