Saturday, January 3, 2004

NETPICK
Repetition

Boss: "The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote! If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it every possible way, cram it down people's throats, make yourself sickening and repulsive if you have to, but don't ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It's the only way to get results!"

Employee: "Yes, sir."

Boss: "And now, what was it you came in to see me about?"

Employee: "Well, sir, a raise! A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise! A raise!..."

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greets her at the Pearly Gates." Are you hungry, Mother Teresa?" says God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replies. So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet. The next day God again invites her to join Him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still she says nothing. The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened. She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in Heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in Heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand." God sighs. "Let's be honest," He says. "For just two people, does it pay to cook?"

The last fight was my fault.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"

I said, "Dust!"

A gentleman was much surprised when the good-looking young lady greeted him by saying, "Good evening."

He could not remember ever having seen her before. She evidently realised that she had made a mistake, for she apologised, and explained. "Oh, I'm so sorry. When I first saw you I thought you were the father of two of my children."

She walked on while the man stared after her. She did not realise, of course, that he was unaware of the fact she was a schoolteacher.

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)