LIFE TIES
Mega man syndrome
Taru Bahl

ARSHAD, at 6 feet two inches, was always larger than life. He was a big baby with big eyes which bore into you. His tall lanky legs seemed never ending even when he was safely ensconced in the largest crib in the market. His mother had her share of nightmarish experiences which had, over the years, steeled herself to accepting her son's 'unique' temperament. She remembered how her 'daredevil' son would calmly walk into the house with the swagger of John Travolta, nursing a finger half dangling from the base of his hand. He had accidentally slit the finger while climbing a shatoot tree. Screaming paranoia had been calmed, ironically, by Arshad himself who, oblivious of the pain, was more keen on being allowed to going back to the shatoot tree.

The leeway that he got vis-`E0-vis the things he did, people he met, situations he got into, allowed him to bolster the larger-than-life image he had acquired. His family went out of their way to accommodate his needs. They backed off when he was unreasonable and covered up for him when he committed excesses. He was sent to the best boarding school. If his parents overstretched and cut down personal expenses, he never experienced a sense of guilt. There were occasional outbursts when he would give them credit for bringing him tothe position he was in. These did not translate into a felt emotion or series of actions which corroborated a feeling of gratitude.

He continued to think , plan and dream big. Fortunately for him, he had the resources to convert that vision into reality. Whether it was organising a school concert or a management workshop, he could put together an event which would have the faculty and students floored by his dynamism and go-getter spirit. He scaled peaks of success and was at every point recognised for his achievements. Adrenalin soared and turned into an obsessive drug, which was nothing but work which made him feel he was in control. This gave him a sense of elevation over others, an unfaltering position of power and an unquestioning subservience from those around him. He had to have the biggest car, television screen, refrigerator and air conditioner. His house had to be a sprawling mansion with huge gardens, irrespective of the fact that it was just him and his wife who lived there. They had no children and in spite of his wife wanting to adopt one, he had never really given the decision enough time to act on it. He would not have been averse to it, it is just that it was not important enough to dwell and act over. There was no one who could talk to him, tell him to go slow, to curtail his expenses or to prioritise his professional and working life. His 'busyness' did not allow anyone to get close enough to 'advice' him. He hated being told what to do. After all, wasn't he the one who had to order and run things around?

As college President and later CEO of a start-up firm, he enjoyed the power of success early in life. The period of struggle in his case was drastically short. One reason was that he was indeed a bright, spirited youngster who took risks, bold decisions and backed it up with an amazing capacity to work. Sidelining non-performers, overstepping weaker counterparts, authoritatively making his presence felt, people granted him an immediate audience and offered all support and cooperation.

The ease with which he made inroads at work, sometimes breaking rules and protocol, allowed him to get away with much more than anybody else in his position. Since his overall persona too was impressive and intimidating, he believed that he could always have his way. He felt nothing was unachievable for him. He pushed his colleagues and teammates and demanded their best output. Impatient of people who were slow on the uptake, he believed in the 'hiring-and-

firing' policy. Since he was always in a position of authority, no one could give him a dressing down or stand up to his arrogance. The bottomline was always profits, which he unfailingly delivered. He rewarded those who worked well indirectly ensuring that they never defy or tell him that he was ever in the wrong. He had no time for sycophants nor did he consciously work towards building a coterie. The only thing that mattered to him was work. That defined him and gave him a reason to soldier on.

Family, friends, social acquaintances, business contacts, vendors and clients swallowed his worsening behaviour, lack of responsibility at home, inability to forge personal ties and an ill- equipped mental framework which could enable any relationship to have the depth or understanding that comes from mutual give and take. His personality and position combined to give him an awesome image, which exuded power and, in turn, demanded loyalty. Most of the time, this loyalty did not come because it was earned or out of choice, but it came out of fear. There was respect for what he eventually achieved but the process that took people through that was often one where they experienced humiliation and domination.

The day he met with a freakish car accident, turning him into an invalid, dependent on life-saving equipment and nurses, was when his mind stopped working. Although the doctors felt that if he mustered the requisite will-power, he could get on to a wheel chair and get a grip over his life. But it was as if all of a sudden everything had come to a grinding halt. His body, mind and spirit's functional cohesiveness was drastically altered, not because of the damage to his body but because of the complete loss of control and power which his work had given him. Unable to order people around, incapable of pushing his body to perform the way he would have wanted it to, seeing his empire shrunk to a non-existent level and finding his wings clipped in terms of monetary decisions made him lose the spunk and dare devilishness which had earlier been his trademark. There was no doubt that he would piece his life together. The only sad thing was that the process would be longer and more painful, moreso since he had along the way failed to nurture deep meaningful bonds. His closest aides and family members had been made to respond to him more out of fear and less out of love. And today, when he was facing the biggest crisis of his life, he needed all those people to give him back not the favours he had heaped them with or the promotions he had given them but the love, warmth and reassurance that he had showered on them.

This feature was published on December 21, 2003

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