Saturday, November 29, 2003

NETPICK
Peanuts

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings one of his friends with him. While he's talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, "Thanks for the peanuts."

She says, "My pleasure, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off them."

Crazy

Cal was out driving in the country, seeing how his new car handled the curvy roads at high speeds. As he rounded a corner, one of his tyres blew. When he got out of the car to change the tyre, he noticed that he had stopped in front of the state mental asylum. There was also a man sitting on the brick wall in front of the facility. The driver went about his business, not paying any attention to the guy on the fence. He first took his tyre iron and jack out of the car, and got the car jacked up. Then, he removed the hubcap. Next, he removed the six lug nuts, and placed them in the hubcap for safekeeping. About this time, the guy on the fence decided to start a conversation. This startled the driver, and he reeled around quickly, knocking over the hubcap, and the lug nuts fell into the sewer drain. The driver got angry with the guy on the fence, shouting, "Now look what you made me do. Now I'm going to have to walk to town to buy some new lug nuts. Just go back inside and let me be." The guy on the fence said, "Why don't you just take one lug nut from each of your other three wheels, and use them on this one. That should hold it steady enough for you to drive the car to the auto parts store." The driver asked, "That's a brilliant idea...then why are you here?" The guy on the fence replied, "I'm just crazy, not stupid."

"What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?" complained an irate passenger to the railroad engineer.

"How would we know the trains were late, if we didn't have a schedule?" replied the engineer.

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)