Saturday, November 1, 2003

NETPICK
Surgery
From Sunil Sharma

The surgeon told his patient who woke up after having been operated, "I'm afraid we're going to operate you again, because I forgot my rubber gloves inside you."

"Well, if it's just because of them, I'd rather pay for them if you just leave me alone," the patient replied.

The first-grade class gathered around the teacher for a game. "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?" "I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy. "Very good Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?" "That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy.

"Right again. And what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something your mother calls your father." "I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a Stupid!"

There was an American on a business trip in England. He got on a train, and was unable to find a seat. The man walked up and down the different cars until he discovered that an old lady's tiny dog was taking up a whole seat. So he said to the lady, "Hey, you think you could move your dog? I can't find a seat." Now this wasn't a nice lady, so she replied, "No. My precious little poodle, Miss Fluffy, is sitting here." So the man walked up and down the cars again, looking for somewhere to sit. He came back to the lady and the dog. "Look lady, I need somewhere to sit. Can you please put your dog on your lap?"

Of course, the woman's reply was about the same as the first one, "You again?! Go away you rude man, don't bother my poodles!" So for the last time the man searched for a seat as the train started. He came back to the woman angrily, "Move your mutt lady!" The woman went into a fit of frustration, scolding the man like a child. Finally he'd had enough. He grabbed the dog and threw it out of the window. The woman sat in disbelief until an elderly man sitting across the compartment looked at the American and said, "You Americans do everything wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the wrong hand and now you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!"

This feature was published on October 25, 2003