Sunday, October 5, 2003		Life Ties

SEEMA was brought up to believe she was the "man of the house." Choicest portions of delicacies were reserved for her, she was sent to the best schools and she always received preferential treatment. Little did those who wondered as to what set her apart from the other five sisters, know that it was a prediction made by the family guruji which had brought about a sea change in the perception of the youngest daughter. The disappointment at being blessed with yet another girl was wiped out when her parents were told, "Her stars are exceptionally bright. She will bring glory to your family. She must be allowed to follow the direction of her heart."

She was allowed to live in her cargoes and ill-fitting t-shirts as well as play soccer and cricket with the mohalla lads. When conservative family members raised eyebrows at her upbringing, her parents dismissed the criticism. There was no apparent reason to worry since she was doing exceptionally well.

By the time she was in high school, she knew she was unlike other girls who talked about clothes and boyfriends. Be it in academics or sports, she was achievement-oriented. Then, the first seeds of ambition and an obsession for excellence were sown. When she did well, she took it in her stride and if she didn't, hell would break loose. A period of recrimination, self-blame and denial would push her into the depths of depression.

Unnaturally high standards of perfection did not account for unforeseen, beyond-one's-control factors, which could negatively impact end results. Self-induced high stress levels put those around her on tenterhooks. Her parents thought they were making the ultimate sacrifice by being uncomplaining. The prodigy in their midst needed special attention. Her upbringing saw an extreme style of parenting, where no stone was left unturned to provide for whatever she needed, thereby fuelling the belief that she "was the very best".

Real-life situations, however, did not allow her any such liberties. When she picked up a job with an MNC she learned her first lesson that there could be times when she may not have the right answers. After being put down a couple of times she learned to "listen". For the first time, she realised the need to develop an interpersonal bonding. Seema pored over manuals and research papers for inputs on HRD, leadership and man management. By the time the year was over and she had got her confirmation letter and she had figured the hierarchy and future prospects of the company. Setting her sight on top, she singlemindedly pursued the goal of becoming the first-ever woman CEO of a company. Besides no Indian CEO, the company also had no women in top managerial positions.

Marriage to a colleague helped since he too shared her 'vision' and was supportive. To outsiders, Seema's success mantra lay in the unconditional love and help that she received initially from her parents and later husband and in-laws. What they failed to see then was that they were unwittingly the major reason for her downfall. By not allowing her to experience the emotions in the aftermath of defeat and failure, they did her a disservice. One can not always, in spite of capability, taste victory. There are times when others would perform better or fate could intervene inexplicably. To have the ability to endure and stoically accept the verdict before trying again, persevering and (if need be) looking at other avenues, is a tougher lesson to learn than to develop a child's potential and give opportunities.

The first ten years of Seema's working life saw her scale one high after another. If hard work, dedication and sincerity could pay off, in her case it did doubly so. She was placed in critical departments, involved in strategic thinking and decision-making processes and marvelled for professionalism and commitment towards the highest standards of work. It soon became clear that she was the top management's favourite. Meanwhile there were offers of better jobs which she never considered, convinced her future lay here. When the US-based CEO personally gave her the good news that she would take over from him on his retirement two years later, it was the realisation of an impossible dream which she had decided on and then dared to live. This was to be a guarded secret till the board met for their meeting at the end of the year.

Office grapevine worked overtime as they could now clearly see her being groomed for the new role.

Unfortunately, from the moment the decision was informally announced, her behaviour changed. Arrogance and disregard for fellow colleagues was apparent in her impatience as she now openly called the shots. She had big plans for the firm. She engaged herself, albeit prematurely, in planning a serious campaign to take on rivals in the market. Brilliant proposals and strategies were readied. This, perhaps, did not go down well with the bosses and noted of dissent began building up. How and when the tables turned, she could never fathom. At the annual general body meeting the decision to bring in a CEO from outside was announced. Who it would be was still unclear but she was no longer in the reckoning.

Success had always come to her, her efforts had unfailingly been rewarded, except this once. Unable to absorb the shock and the humiliation, she had her first heart attack at the age of 38. Medical investigations revealed undetected high blood pressure and blocked arteries. Other factors like diet, lack of exercise, rest, sleep and stress were also listed as contributory factors. The animosity she had created among those who could have been her support-system and helped her to recoup, left her alone and crushed. Her family members too found themselves ill-equipped to deal with this emergency. She had not been trained to cope with failure. Was it too late to learn a new, more achievable survival code?