Crowd: The one thing to remember about Indian weddings from all communities is that it is not merely about an everlasting bond between two people. Nothing as selfish as that. It is, in fact, a bringing together of two clans with each relative earning a special place for himself or herself. You have names for everyone, and no one is known as the generic cousin or aunt not even the mother-in-law’s sister-in-law or the sister-in-law’s husband. So, when the occasion presents itself most of us make time to attend a wedding.

In cities where a queue is a part of daily life you form a queue beneath the stage to wish the couple.

Mehndi (Henna): Henna is perhaps the most sacred of beauty rituals in an Indian wedding. While it is not commonly seen in South India it is seen across Hindu and Muslim communities in North India. And since henna is known to be whimsical about the colour it would stain the palms with, there are myths both ways.

The darker the colour, the more the husband will love you and the lighter the colour the more the mother-in-law will love you! And if you know anything about mothers-in-law and India you would know that the bride has a tough choice ahead of her.

There are other aspects to the dressing up. A beauty parlour bride is not complete without the bouffant and tacky jewellery (returnable after the wedding to the beautician for use of the next bride).

Sangeet: Shakespeare must have visited India before writing his famous line about music being the food of love. Singing and dancing right till the doorstep of the girl and later are inevitable. So much so that one Delhi custom dictates that you come and wake up the neighbours in the middle of the night. Ceremonies conducted with the droning of old women is considered mighty auspicious.

The ceremony: The most interesting part of the ceremonies is the introduction. In the South Indian Brahmin community, the families actually play a farce of the groom going off to study and being distracted by the pretty girl on the way.

In North India they keep the groom’s face covered with flowers and check at some point whether the groom is the one they chose or not!

From not meeting strangers in the park after dark to taking all decisions jointly, the couple makes all sorts of promises to each other, duly translated by the pandit.

The giving away: Whether she is handed over in a tray to the groom in parts of Bengal or made to sit in the father’s lap before the seven steps, the bride is considered a bundle to be passed on.

No wonder she is not supposed to smile! To balance things a tad, they say that parents cannot go to Heaven unless they have a son to cremate them and a daughter to give away.

Vidaii: This is the part where you really cry. Whether you belong to the bride’s side or the groom’s. The bride’s anguish at being declared a stranger to her parents will get to you. And all the luck to you, if there is music in the background, since vidaii songs are some of the most heart-rending ones ever heard. LMN