Blonde and the ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large ... all in the name of humour."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this, Mister, I'm talking to that little twit on your knee!"

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the Cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: "Young man. Don't you realise that this is a Catholic country? You'll never get any contributions in this country holding a Star of David."

The man with the Star of David turns to the man with the Cross and says: "Moishe, can you imagine, this guy is trying to tell us how to run our business?"

Jay went to a psychiatrist. "Doc, he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, under top. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week and I'll cure you."

"How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll think about it." Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars."

"That so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs of the bed."

Two fellows were sitting on a park bench. One of them said to the other, "I'm afraid of flying. I take the train on all my long trips."

The other said, "That's silly. Didn't you read about those 300 people who got killed on a train last week?"

"Three hundred people?" asked the fearful one. "How could three hundred people die in a train crash?"

"A plane fell on it," said his friend.

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)