Negotiations!

A hunter raised his rifle and took aim at a large bear. Just as he was ready to pull the trigger, he was shocked to hear the bear begin to talk. The bear spoke in a soft, soothing voice, "Isn't it better to talk than to shoot? What do you want? Let's see if we can negotiate."

The hunter lowered his rifle, and replied, "I want a fur coat." "Good," said the bear, "that is negotiable. I only want a full stomach, so let us sit down and work out a compromise."

They sat down to talk and after a time the bear got up and walked away. He was alone. The negotiations had been successful.

The bear's stomach was indeed full, and the hunter had his fur coat!

A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit."

"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eyes. "I used them to patch the hole."

Mrs Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

Four high school boys afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the teacher that they had a flat tyre. Much to their relief, she smiled and said: "Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: "First question: Which tyre was flat?"

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realised what the man wanted.

"You must mean the lift," he said. "No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator." "Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts". "Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator." "Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said politely, "but someone here in England invented the language".

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)