Sunday, March 30, 2003		Life Ties

A stepfather has to watch each step
Taru Bahl

BHARAT had a formidable reputation in school and college. Guys knew that they were inviting trouble by messing around with him. Not only did he have all the right connections but also a violent streak, which could be disastrous. Yet, Bharat was not the regular bully or anti-social element tinted with obvious shades of grey. He had a sophisticated veneer, a public school background and an affluence which subtly made its point. Getting examination papers leaked out or having someone bashed up was chicken feed for him. He actually got away without taking formal exams throughout his graduation and was still awarded a certificate showing distinction in his choice of subjects.

When he married Arti, a divorcee with a child, it generated a lot of speculation. One would have expected him to net a ‘bigger catch’ and not get saddled with what most people thought was a lifelong liability.

Maybe, she was an heiress or there was another substantive reason for his unpredictable and out-of-character decision. Arti had a small export business and she was travelling to London to finalise some orders. He was going there to attend his nephew’s marriage. They met on the flight and after a whirlwind courtship, they were married at a lavish do. Arti had a waif-like quality. Ephemeral and porcelain-like, she evoked Bharat’s most protective instincts. He felt responsible for her and wanted to shield her from the ‘big bad world’. Also, she was the perfect foil to his aggression and powerful physical looks. She complemented his sturdy 6 foot frame, piercing eyes, twirling moustache and feline grace with her fair and delicate bone structure, gentle demeanour and soft-spoken elegance. Together, they made a striking couple. She blended beautifully into his family.

As the years went by, some of her gentleness rubbed off on Bharat. He also became more focused. He had taken over her export unit and turned it into a flourishing trading house catering to Europe, Germany and the USA. He had diversified by getting into real estate and civil construction. Ambitious and hard working he worked by setting short and medium term targets, achieving practically all of them. He had legally adopted Varun, Arti’s son from her first marriage. They had one daughter between them and inspite of being a pucca Punjabi puttar, he had no desperation to sire a son. His family too had accepted the situation and they doted on both the children. If there was anything that was unequal in Arti and Bharat’s relationship it was her extreme sense of gratitude towards him.

She knew that in a typical North Indian middle class milieu, for an eligible young man to marry a divorcee who was not just a couple of years older than him but who had also ‘dumped’ her child from a previous marriage onto him, she had been extremely fortunate in receiving unconditional love and respect from the entire family. She never let herself forget that.

Bharat was a tough father where Varun was concerned. He did not want the young lad to go astray or to forget that he had to learn to stand on his own feet and make something of his life. There were times when people felt that Bharat was being more harsh than was necessary especially when it came to clamping a strict list of do’s and don’ts. However, he waived aside all soft approaches and continued doing what he felt was right. Some even said that he was not as indulgent towards Varun as he was towards his daughter. All these accusations did not bother Bharat. He once explained his stance by saying, "I may be unreasonable or illogical but I want to ensure that it is Varun’s physical environment and upbringing which will shape his character and future and not his genes. It is not easy being a step dad. That stigma never really leaves you. You think Varun trusts me implicitly and his silence and quiet submission does not hide resentment and even border on hatred ? The same rules that I impose or questions I pose are met with greater internal resistance than if they were fielded by his real biological father. Yet, I am undeterred. I have taken on this responsibility with my eyes open and I don’t want to fail in my duty. Of course, I love the child like my own, but all the time there is an underlying awareness that I must not falter in any way. His father was an irresponsible cad. He was a womaniser, a person who only knew how to live in debt and who abused both his wife and son, finally deserting them when they needed him most. At no stage do I want Varun to display any of those traits. Which is why I have been tough with him. I want him to know that though I will provide for him I am not going to bail him out of every trouble he runs himself stupidly into and let him inherit my legacy without his being worthy of it. My iron control is only to make a man out of him, one who both I and, more than me, Arti can be proud of."

Varun initially did resent Bharat’s sending him to Mumbai to work in a management consultancy group owned by a friend when he could have joined the export house and led a cushy life. And when he found his feet in Mumbai, made a circle of friends and developed a social life which included pub and disco hopping Bharat promptly got him to enroll in a part-time evening MBA course. His life turned into one big ordeal. He was commuting by public transport and he had to stay up late at night not partying but working on his assignments. How he hated Bharat in those days. He felt trapped and miserable. He would have run away had it not been for his dependent temperament.

However, when he started doing well in his company and got to interact with youngsters who were fired with ambition, some of whom were really struggling, with no back-up support from home, he gradually began to get into the groove. The desire to become something on his own and to show his dad and mom that he could upgrade himself professionally without ‘dad’s connections’ turned more pronounced.

As he burned the midnight oil and worked passionately in the office, some of the bitterness towards his stepfather began diminishing. He could actually have ‘man-to-man’ business conversations with him now and share with him the lighter aspects of being a bachelor in India’s most lively city. There were times when Varun would come to Mumbai and both father and son would hit the night spots together, share a drink and laugh together.

When Varun was selected to head a two-year assignment in Boston and he rung up excitedly to share the news first with Bharat and then with Arti is when Bharat knew that he had passed the litmus test. He now had no guilt feelings on account of being a step father. He had given the child the necessary push which enabled him to see his strengths, to develop the skill set and the motivation to capitalise on them and to look at all that he had with objectivity. There had been times when he had wanted to make things easy for him by presenting him with a car in Mumbai or enhancing his pocket money or getting him to opt out of the demanding management programme but he had kept his resolve of letting him struggle and realise the true worth of luxury and comfort. Bharat’s conscience was clear. His will had a provision where both Varun and Naina were equal heirs and at the end of the day he knew that he had been fair. It was nice to see that Varun was now on the right track. He would be responsible for his life and that is all that mattered to Bharat. Maybe since he had been rather anti-establishment, having dabbled in things which were considered wrong and unfair, he had plugged all the gaps which could have put his son on that path. Varun’s gratitude, heartfelt warmth and respect, when it came, was a bonus.