Guardian angel

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been. She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past. Then suddenly she hears the voice saying, "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?" "Yes!" shouts the woman, "just where were you on my wedding day!"

In a stationery store, I quickly picked out a card for my wife for our anniversary. The clerk was surprised by how little time it took me, and she began relating a story about another customer who spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting. Noticing the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help. "Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully. "I can't find one my wife will believe."

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the genie. The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out — it's virtually impenetrable." Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

A friend took her dog to the parlour for a haircut, and asked what it would cost. Being told that it would cost her $60, she was shocked.

"I only pay 50 bucks for my own haircut!"

The groomer replied,

"But you don't bite, do you?!"

A husband is trying to reintroduce some romance into his marriage. So one night he says to his wife, "Tonight, I'm going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

She replies... "I'll miss you."

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?"

Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?"

A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand.

"Johnny?" The teacher said.

"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate history."

Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma