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Unusual catch A famous slip fieldsman was noted for his quick reflexes. One day, as he walked down the street, he passed a building that was on fire. With great presence of mind, he dashed forward and caught a small child as it jumped. Then, from force of habit, he threw it in the air.... Bribe Wife: "Cricket, cricket, cricket! That's all you ever think about. If you said you were going to stay at home one Saturday afternoon to help with the housework, I think I'd drop dead from the shock!" Husband: "It's no good trying to bribe me, dear." Where is the scorer The visiting team was surprised to find that there were no scoring facilities at the village ground. The captain approached the opposing leader. "How do you keep the score?" he asked. "Oh, we keep it in our heads, " replied the captain, a burly blacksmith, "and if there's any argument we settle it behind the pavilion after the game." No umpire? The village teams were ready to begin their match but discovered that they were without an umpire. They decided that they would use a member of the crowd even though he knew nothing of the rules. When he was dressed in his white coat and hat, he went up to the captain of the home side. "What do I do?" he asked. "It's very simple," said the home captain. "When I shout ‘howzat’ you simply put up your finger and say ‘out’." When it's our turn to bat, I'll tell thee a little bit more!" Over! An American had been told to go to a cricket match while he was in England. He watched with pleasure as the teams came out and the batsman scored four runs off the first six balls. Then the umpire called ‘over’." "Well," he said, getting up, "it's a nice game , but it's very short!" Caught and bowled! In a calmer moment, George and his wife were sitting at home. George was as usual reading some bowling averages. "Do you remember the day you proposed at the cricket match?" said she, romantically. "You were bold." "No I wasn't," muttered George, "I was caught and bowled!" We have to win On the day of the local match, the captain was talking to one of his men. "Look, here's a pound," he said. 'Go out and buy a new ball or something. Anything that'll help us win.' The match began and the captain noticed that the same old ball was being used. He called his man over. 'What did you do with the pound?' he asked. "Well, you said anything to help us win." "Yes. I gave it to the umpire." The poor slip A slip fieldsman had a particularly depressing day during which he dropped no less than ten catches all off the same bowler. After the game he was talking to the bowler when he broke off and looked at his watch. "I must go," he said, "I have a train to catch." The bowler looked at him bitterly. "Let's hope you have better luck with that, then." Stonewaller The bowler was up against a stonewaller who never moved his bat. Every ball either hit the bat or passed harmlessly by, no stroke being offered. The bowler turned to the umpire. "Is he out if he doesn't move his bat?" "No," said the umpire. "But he will be if he does!" Lost ball The ball had been knocked out of the ground into the lane and everybody was out looking for it. One of the players came across an old tramp, lying in the shade. "Excuse me," said the cricketer, "but have you seen a cricket ball?" "No, I haven't,' replied the tramp. "But I've brought one
from home I could sell you!" |
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Notice any difference
The captain looked at him thoughtfully. 'You've had your hair cut, haven't you?' Heckling the umpire In a local match, the umpire was being jeered and heckled unmercifully from the crowd. At length he walked over to the boundary and sat down next to his chief critic. "What are you doing?" asked the spectator. "Well," said the umpire, "it seems you get the best view from here." Short run-up The dedicated batsman was up against the fast bowler and he was doing well. As he was getting into his stride, a note was brought out to him and the game was interrupted. A frown creased his forehead as he read it, then he called over the umpire. "I say," he said, "I've just heard that my wife's ill and she's calling for me. Do you think you could ask the bowler to shorten his long run up?" Got a minute The sarcastic bowler was disgusted by several of the umpire's decisions. 'Have you got a minute?' he asked. 'Yes,' said the umpire. 'Well, tell me all you know about cricket.' Epidemic The local team had a rotten day in the field. Between them, the slips dropped at least ten good chances, all off the same bowler. As they walked in, the disgusted bowler spoke up. 'By the way, have you heard about the epidemic?' 'Epidemic?' 'It's not catching!'
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Sight screen
Coaching The standard of batting in the local side was very low. Even at the net practice, they couldn't hit a thing. Finally, the furious coach rushed forward and grabbed the bat. “Now bowl me some fast ones!” he yelled. Six fast balls came down in quick succession and the coach missed them all. Not to be put off, he glared at the team and shouted, “Now that's what you're all doing. Get in there and hit them!”
The cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her. At the crease, he turned to the wicket-keeper and said, 'I'm anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That's my wife's mother over there.'
'Don't be silly,' said the wicket-keeper. 'You'll never hit her at two hundred yards.' |
The bowler had a dreadful match
which cost his side the game. All week long he practiced hard for the next game.
During the following match, he said to the captain, 'Notice any difference?'
In a Test between India
and the West Indies, the fiery Wes Hall was sending quivers down the
Indian spine. The new batsman walked slowly to the crease, not feeling
unlike a lamb at the slaughter house. As the great bowler thundered in,
suddenly he stood up in the crease, and signalled that he wanted the
sight screen adjusted. Adjustments were made and the bowler was ready to
come in again. Once again, in the middle of his run-up, the batsman
found something disturbing in the sight screen. Indeed, this went on a
few times before the irritated umpire walked up to the batsman and
enquired , " Where do you want the sight screen, for God's
sake?" The batsman asked, with an ounce of fear, " Couldn't I
have it between him and me?"
Can't hit that far!