"Bill was really something,
huh?"
"Oh, yeah,"
continued the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He
could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole
neighbourhood blacks out."
"No wonder you
remember him," the man said.
"Well, I never
actually met Bill," said the cabby. "Then how in the world do
you know so much about him?"
"I married his
widow," retorted the cabby.
Lecture
The man was in no shape to
drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was
walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing
out here at 2 a.m.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a
lecture," the man said.
"And who is going to
give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said
the man.
Vacation
The telephone rings in the
principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Dunn
Elementary," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be
able to come to school all next week," replies the voice.
"Well, what seems to
be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on
a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it is all
right."
"I guess that would
be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?"
"Sure. This is my
father!"
Getting even
One morning I was called
to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through
the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing
pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.
"I told my son,"
she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I
would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come
to spend the day with him!"
Drunk driver
A drunk is driving through
the city and his scooter is weaving violently all over the road. A cop
pulls him over and asks, "Where have you been?"
"I've been to the
pub," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the
cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few."
"I did alright,"
the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know,"
says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell off your scooter?"
"Oh, thank
heavens," says the drunk. "For a minute I thought I'd gone
deaf."
— Culled from the
Net by Sunil Sharma
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