George and the dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out of a window. "Could you spare some victuals?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she said again.

"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"

"No!" by this time she was fairly shouting.

The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"

"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

"Do you suppose," he asked, "I could have a word with George?"

Two strangers are sitting in adjacent seats in an airplane. One guy says to the other, "Let's talk. I hear that the flight goes faster if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"

The first guy says, "Oh, I don't know; how about nuclear power?"

The other guy says, "OK, that could make for some pretty interesting conversation. But let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is that?"

The first guy says, "I don't know."

The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"

"Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady.

"What's to be proud of?" asked the old man.

The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth."

"Of course," explained grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth?"

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen tablets of aspirin. What should I do?"

The doctor asks Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"

The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"

The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"

Jane says "No."

"Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor.

"No." says Jimmy's mom.

The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his colour funny?"

Again Jane says, "No."

"Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor.

"No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin... shouldn't I do something?"

To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

— Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma