Punishment

IN the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes. "You're a schoolteacher?" he said. "Madam, I shall realise my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of his parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"

The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed, uproariously.

"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humour?"

"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving Friday."

A young man entered a company's human resources department and handed an executive his application. After reviewing the papers the executive noticed that the applicant had been fired from every job he had ever had.

"Young man," the executive said, "I've looked over your work history and it is terrible. You have been fired from every job!"

"Yes," replied the applicant.

"There really isn't anything very positive in that," said the executive.

"Well, at least I'm not a quitter!" the young man replied.

Once a blond's drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything, but the golf ball moved. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing. "Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."

— Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma