Pinching the girl

AS the crowded elevator descended, Mrs Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. 

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."

"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."

World War

Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The barman said, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?" Bush said, "We're planning World War III." The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?" Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."

The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?" Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!"

A young wife had to go in and have her yearly check-up done. When the doctor remarked on her extraordinarily ruddy complexion, she replied, "High blood pressure, doctor?. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" doctor inquired. "Neither," she replied. "It's from my husband's family." "Oh, come now," Dr Sam said. "How could your husband's family give you high blood pressure?" She sighed, "You ought to meet them sometime, doctor!"

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle God kept. The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle God kept. The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw all the money into the air, and what God wants, God takes!"

"Dad," said little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right."

"That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "but you could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"

— Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma