Best years of life

NOT too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such person boldly approached the podium and, gathering the entire crowd's attention said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife." The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother." The crowed burst into laugher and he gave his speech which went well.

About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy for him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years in my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!"

His congregation gasped. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to remember the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "...and this gentleman wants to buy the other half". The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way.

Later the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Canada, Sir." "Oh really? Why did you leave Canada?" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just tramps and hockey players up there." "Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Canada!!" The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?

(Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma)