JIM HACKER is as surprised as anyone when he suddenly finds himself elevated to the post of the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. In his new role, he still has the able assistance of Bernard Woolley and he still has to contend with the machinations of Sir Humphrey Appleby. Sir Humphrey (enters): "Hello Bernard, I hear the Prime Minister wants to see me?" Bernard Woolley: "Yes, Sir Humphrey." Sir Humphrey: "What’s his problem?" Bernard Woolley: "Reputation." Sir Humphrey: "Well, it’s a bit late to do anything about that now." Bernard Woolley: "He is discussing a serious matter with a committee." Sir Humphrey: "A serious discussion! What is wrong with them? Go in there and inform me of their conversation."

Bernard Woolley: "I’m not sure I can do that, Sir Humphrey. It might be confidential."

Sir Humphrey: "It’s up to you, Bernard, what do you want?" Bernard Woolley: "I want to have a clear conscience." Sir Humphrey: "A clear conscience! When did you acquire this taste for luxuries?" Bernard Woolley: "But you only need to know things on a need to know basis." Sir Humphrey: "I need to know everything! How else can I judge whether or not I need to know it?" Bernard Woolley: "I presume the Prime Minister is worried about the unequal distribution of wealth in the nation?" Sir Humphrey: "Well, it looks as if he’s reducing the economic divide." Bernard: "Or looks as if he’s trying to reduce it." Sir Humphrey: "While, as in reality, he’s only trying to look as if he’s trying to reduce it." Bernard: "Yes, because he’s worried that it does not look as if he’s trying to look as if he’s trying to reduce it."

Sir Humphrey (about Hacker): "He’s got No. 10, a salary and a pension for life. What more can he want?" Bernard: "I think he wants to govern Britain." Sir Humphrey (horrified): "Well, stop him, Bernard!" Dashes in, where he finds Hacker, differentiated from the committee members by his long face. Jim Hacker: "Nine out of ten newspapers are saying that Jim Hacker coming to power as the PM has only produced a lot of talk, but no actual results. I am worried about this criticism, also in the light of the upcoming party conference. The Guardian says that, in this country, 10 per cent of the employees get 90 per cent of the total salary paid in this country."

Sir Humphrey: "Prime Minister, I suggest that you support the Press, get behind it…(clandestinely) so that you can stab it in the back. I also suggest that you divide the country into several regions." Jim Hacker and the others (shocked): "What…?" Sir Humphrey (continuing): "I can prove that it possible that in every region, the total salary of any 10 per cent of the employees is no greater that 11 per cent of the total salary paid in this region. We’ll be honest." Jim Hacker (overjoyed): "And honesty always gives you the advantage of surprise in the House of Commons." Sir Humphrey: "Yes Prime Minister." Did he lie to the PM? Write at The Tribune or adityarishi99@yahoo.co.in.

— Aditya Rishi