Sunday, May 26, 2002		Life Ties

AMAN had always been headstrong. She was one child you could never clamp strict guidelines upon and insist that she obey. Unless she was convinced about something, it was pointless to argue with her. Her family realised that they had to deal differently with her. She was intelligent and articulate. Being well-read gave her the advantage of knowledge and having a razor-sharp tongue allowed her to get away with murder. Fortunately, she was not a typical brat. All she wanted was not to be forced to do things just for the sake of doing them. For instance, she would not tag along to an ailing aunt’s house to pay a courtesy call with the entire family. She would rather go separately and spend quality time with her by reading aloud to her.

Time came when people actually expected her to react differently and have an opinion or viewpoint which was at variance with the majority. Yet, inspite of her quirky ‘differentness’, her family was shocked when she decided to legally adopt her close friend’s illegitimate child and bring it up as her own. The second shocker came when she announced that she was not going to marry. While they sympathised with her for sharing her friend’s angst and trauma, they refused to let her go ahead with her harebrained plan. They tried telling her that it was a lifelong commitment. more worrying was the fact that no traditional boy or family would accept her with someone else’s child.

Aman was unperturbed. She had in any case never blindly followed the rules and regulations set by society. While she was not defiant she liked to think that her destiny was in her hands which is why she would do things which appealed to her, which conformed to her innate value system and which were of significance to her. She would neither waste her time nor her energy in doing things to please others or just simply to conform and be one of the crowd. She knew she was no celebrity like Neena Gupta or Sushmita Sen who could be glorified unwed mothers, but she did know that all the qualities which went into motherhood were universal the world over. She knew in her heart that if she had the tag of being individualistic and different it was not for any shock appeal. What was important to her was that she lead a meaningful life doing hundreds of different things but without hurting anybody. If she was not making a nuisance of herself, surely people around her should accept her for what she was.

At the time of Manna’s adoption, Aman’s aversion to men was unnaturally strong. She knew it had a lot to do with the treatment meted out by the cad who had destroyed her best friend’s life. She went through a phase where she disbelieved the institution of marriage and also felt that women could survive and be happy without having men in their lives. Though both these opinions softened with time. Living in a metro and working in a UN agency gave her the anonymity and freedom to decide the rules of her personal life. Her family was her strongest support. After the initial resistance they rallied around her, organising her physical space, helping her bring up the little one and offering all possible help so that she could concentrate on her career.

Although well-wishers expressed their reservations about how she would manage in her older years this was a concern which did not intimidate her in the least. Manna was a source of perennial joy. The kid was highly competitive and took enormous pride in winning prizes in all the competitions she took part in. She was a secure child who magically bonded with her mother. She always knew when Aman was tired, worried or upset. In her own innocent child like way she lifted her mother’s spirits on days she was down and out. Together they went for plays, movies, exhibitions and workshops, each learning from the other.

The first time Aman felt the pang of insecurity was when she lost her father. The thought that her picture perfect family could be tainted with sorrow and separation had till then not occurred to her. With an ailing mother and a daughter who was fast growing up, she realised she would soon be left with an empty nest. For all her fiercely independent ways the idea of being alone was not comforting. As the months rolled by a sense of isolation gripped her. She did not want to cling to Manna. She reasoned with her self as she remembered her own self willed ways. Her daughter was from the same stock and were she to branch out on her own, she would have to gracefully relent.

The churning was still going on in her mind when she met Shyam at a conference on human rights. He was the official representative from Sri Lanka and was sharing the dais as a fellow speaker. Having a similar professional background, Aman found herself drawn to him. In the week that he was in India, she was his official host, taking him for shopping, guiding him to the choicest eateries and bringing him home for a typical Indian meal. He developed an instant rapport with Manna. The high comfort levels that the three of them shared made them realise that this was not run of the mill social contact. There was something special here. He extended his stay and agreed to be their house guest. By now the family had begun to talk. Knowing Aman they knew that conforming to set parameters for the sake of acceptance was not her style. Curiosity levels built up as wild stories began doing their rounds, culminating into a mass protest when she announced her decision of tying the knot with Shyam. There were doubts and questions which needed answering. What did she know of his background ? How could two weeks be enough to know if he was the right person ? Would he be able to shoulder the dual responsibility of being a husband and father ? Most importantly, how compatible would their union be given the fact he was ten years younger than her ? It was the last question which was uppermost in everyone’s mind. There was a sense of shock, surprise, disbelief and even envy as they realised that, as always Aman was absolutely sure about her decision. There was no doubt, conflict or anxiety in her mind. Yet, the sadistic part in them gave their marriage a year or two at the most before she "dumped" him. They were sure that she was so used to living life on her terms that she would not be able to adjust to having another person breathing down her neck at all times, least of all someone who was so much younger than her. After the initial novelty wore off, the "toy boy" would be dispatched to his country.

Well, nothing of this sort happened. They have been married 10 years now. Aman had a pair of twins within the first year. She was 38 at the time and her doctors were surprised at how effortlessly she had borne the babies. The large family was completely in sync with each other. They were different in more ways than one but they were great for each other. And never did they do or say anything to harm anybody. They were people who knew what it was to be true and honest to their own selves before they could be true to others. Aman, Shyam and Manna were from three different worlds and yet they had found each other and committed themselves to taking their happiness to even higher planes.