Donkey raffle

A farmer's donkey died, and needing one for many of his farm chores, he called a donkey breeder a couple of states away. The breeder had a donkey for sale for $100, so it was agreed that the farmer would send in his money, and the breeder would have the donkey trucked to the farmer. Sadly, when the truck arrived a week later, the donkey had died. The farmer called the breeder and said, "Hey, the donkey arrived dead". The breeder said, "That's terrible. What'll we do?" The farmer said, "Well, you can send me another donkey."

The breeder said, "I don't have any more now."

The farmer said, "Well, you can send me my money back."

The breeder said, "That'll be hard, because I already spent it."

So the farmer said, "That's OK, I'll just raffle off the donkey."

The breeder says, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey."

Farmer says, "Don't worry, I'll handle it."

A couple of weeks pass, and the breeder's wondering what happened. He calls the farmer to ask him how the raffle went, and the farmer says, "Well, it went OK. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece."

Stunned, the breeder says, "Wow, I'll bet people were mad when they discovered the donkey was dead!"

Said the farmer, "Well, only the guy who won, so I gave him his $2 back!"

A man and a little boy entered a barber shop together. After the man received the full treatment — shave, manicure, haircut, etc. — he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was done and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "It looks like your daddy forgot all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're going to get a free haircut!'"

One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground.

The thief then went through Tim's pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Tim why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents.

"Was that all you wanted?" Tim replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I've got in my shoe!"

"Mr Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage on a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep — the man on the top bunk, and the woman on the lower. In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, "I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

The man says happily, "OK! Sure!"

The woman says, "Good. Get your own damn blanket!"

Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?"

Looking over her carefully, Harold replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted, "I haven't added them up yet."

Culled from the Net by Sunil Sharma