Sunday, May 12, 2002		Article

Cell phone not really a sell-out
Mohinder Singh

SINCE two months I’ve joined the ranks of cell phone owners. Not that I wanted one or paid for it.

Our son from the USA was here at a time when both our phones weren’t working; cable theft, the telephone people said, with restoration to take another week. Straightway our son drove downtown and brought back a cell phone.

He’s gone but the phone remains. My first problem with it; trying to figure out which part you talk to. There’s no mouthpiece, no familiar grillwork. Below the last row of numbers, there’s a tiny slot, no bigger than an eighth of an inch. This, I assume, is where you talk; he couldn’t have bought an instrument where you only listened.

Some of my friends tell me they bought a cell phone for safety. "I could ring up the police if I’m getting mugged," says one. But I stay skeptical whether any mugger worth his salt will stand by harmlessly while my friend makes his call for help. Of course, a mobile phone can be a blessing if you are stranded in snow or have lost your way in wilderness. But then every use of cell phones is double-edged. Take highway accidents. While a cell phone turns every driver into another set of eyes for the police, allowing quick notification, an accident also floods the police with a whole lot of similar calls.

To be frank, I’m not even sure whether I can use a cell phone if I needed it. Once or twice when I tried to ring home, I couldn’t hear a word the good wife was saying. Our talk was mostly limited to, "Is it any better? Can you hear me now?"

The phone lies in a drawer, dormant and unused, clocking up a tidy sum as monthly rent. I have not given its number to my friends; you’re billed even for receiving calls. Once I assumed, ownership of a mobile phone indicated affluence. But now I find plenty of people who aren’t swimming in money manage to afford cell phones.

The cell phone, I thought, would be of use on a road trip we were making last month to Chandigarh. What if there’s a breakdown? But then I discovered, this cell phone needed another card, an expensive one at that; the existing card was only operational for Delhi.

The truth is, I have no need for a cell phone. Actually I have developed some sort of an aversion to its overuse by others. To me, 99 per cent of all mobile conversations seem to be banal. Its avid users may wonder how human life was livable before the invention of the mobile phone. But to its critics, the graceless object bulging people’s pockets is fast developing into a public enemy number one.

The other day I was getting a haircut in a pricey hotel saloon; looking forward to a soothing head massage as a part of it. In the same small room was another gentleman getting a pedicure. He was constantly and loudly talking on his cell phone. In one call, as I could make out, he was reprimanding the housemaid for letting the child cry; he, was even displaying some displeasure over the housewife’s decision to go shopping when the child was sick.

And one of my golfing buddies carries an activated cell phone strapped to his belt like a pistol. We don’t know what he talks into it — he moves away a bit for talking. But often after such a talk, he hits a bad shot; possibly disturbed by some business news.

Yet the most incongruous use of cell phone I happened to witness the other day: a golfer chatting on his cell phone while noisily urinating in the men’s room. I can imagine a conversation developing like this: "What’s that funny sound? asked the lady at the other end. "Oh nothing, a gentleman alongside is urinating." "But then what are you doing there?" she asks.

The only time I’m jealous of a cell phone user is when the guy waiting in a queue for a rail or cinema ticket, or even a slow buffet line, takes out his cell phone. Now he’s busily utilising the waiting time while I squirm restlessly.

I notice that people tend to treat their cell phones like babies; unlike fixed phones which are often treated roughly, even banged in anger. People cradle cell phones in their palms and beam down upon them lovingly as they dial. And after use, gently push the little antenna and fit the phone back into its brushed-vinyl carrying case and tuck the case inside the jacket, beside the heart.

Whether you like it or not, the mobile phone is set to witness explosive popularity and use. How long can one dodge technology! Sooner than later, you’re sort of dragged kicking and screaming into the technological age.