Sunday, April 28, 2002		Stressbusters

How to deal with kids who steal
V.K. Kapoor

• When a child or teenager steals, parents are naturally concerned.

• They worry about what caused their child to steal, and they wonder their son or daughter is a juvenile delinquent.

• It is normal for a very young child to take something which excites his or her interest.

• This should not be regarded as stealing until the youngster is old enough, usually three to five years old, to understand that taking something which belongs to another person is wrong.

• Parents should actively teach their children about property rights and consideration for others.

• Parents are also role models.

• If you come with stationery or pens from the office or brag about a mistake at the supermarket checkout counter, your lessons about honesty will be a lot harder for your child to understand.

• Although they have learned that theft is wrong, older children or teenagers steal for various reasons.

• A youngster may steal to make things equal if a brother or sister seems to be favoured with affection or gifts.

• Sometimes, a child may steal as a show of bravery to friends or to give presents to family or friends or to be more accepted by peers.

• Children may also steal out of a fear of dependency, they don’t want to depend on anyone, so they take what they need.

• Parents should consider whether the child has stolen out of need for more attention.

• In these cases, the child may be expressing anger or trying to get even with his or her parents; the stolen object may become a substitute for love or affection.

• The parents should make an effort to give more recognition to the child as an important family member.

• When the parents find out their child has stolen, they

— Tell the child that stealing is wrong

— Help the youngster to pay for or return the stolen object

— Make sure that the child does not benefit from the theft in any way.

— Avoid lecturing, predicting future bad behaviour, or saying that they now consider the child to be a thief or a bad person

— Make clear that this behaviour is totally unacceptable within the family tradition and the community.

• When the child has paid for or returned the stolen merchandise, the matter should not be brought up again by the parents, so that the child can begin again with a clean slate.

• If stealing is persistent or accompanied by the other problem behaviours or symptoms, the stealing may be a sign of more serious problems in the child’s emotional development or problems in the family.

• Children who reportedly steal may also have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationship.

• Rather feeling guilty they may blame the behaviour on it.

• These children should benefit from an evaluation by a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

(The writer is a former senior Haryana-cadre police officer)