Many parents are pleased when their children acquire fluency in computer use they never acquired. Yet they may feel alienated and rejected when the children talk of things they are doing with computers.

Take Rani, an educated housewife but unversed in computers. She feels particularly isolated when her children as well as the husband spend fascinating hours around the PC. The truth is that with the right learning attitude, Rani would need little effort to understand this technology. She would also enjoy her children more by sharing a richer experience with them - the making of a more connected family.

Many grandparents complain about not having enough time with their grandchildren. One way is to take an intelligent interest in what your grandchildren do with the computer. Sit down with them - don't be afraid to get near the machine - and let them show you something they made or something they can do. Children particularly like to show off before their elders.

Why so many children are passionate about computers and why so many parents are nervous?

Most parents are pretty slow in understanding the PC. To them even the easiest steps, such as using a word processor or sending e-mail, have to be explained again and again. It is becoming a cultural cliché that adults are inferior to children in handling computers - this judgement of inferiority often turning into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Children like the computer because it gives them an opportunity to experience the thrill of chasing after information they really want. And learning works best when the learner is a willing and conscious participant.

That reminds one of the Greek historian Xenephon who formulated a precept for training horses: if you want a horse to make beautiful movements you must make sure that the animal wants to do them. Nothing could be truer in training children. And in this the computer comes out as an incomparable tool.

Children often amaze parents by their technological fluency in computers. While Mohan is being driven crazy trying to get his new software to work, 9-year-old Nandu, looking over his father's shoulder, says, "let me try," and in no time a menu is pulled down, the mouse clicked on one of the entries and the software is up and running. How did Nandu do this? Is it that children have a magical connection with the right way to do things with computers? No, there's nothing magical about it except the magical way children learn. Nandu's biggest asset is not being afraid to try something. And he knows from experience that certain keys are more likely to bring interesting results. On the other hand, his father's fear of doing something wrong inhibits exploration that would lead to finding the right solution.

With the computer, if you do the wrong thing the sky doesn't fall down on you. The computer doesn't break. The fact is that many persons learn about computers by poking around, doing this or that and eventually getting it. And in this game children tend to be more adventurous.

Many parents worry about their computer-using children getting exposed to obscenity or making connections with wrong people in cyberspace. In practice, the current danger in this extreme form is rather exaggerated. Pornography on the Internet is not easy to find. Yet the situation needs watching, as it could grow worse.

The image of a love affair between children and computers suggests that all children are caught up in it. But many children are simply not interested in computers and some actually dislike them.

Some parents worry - If my kids don't like computers, does this mean there is something wrong with them? And what should I do about it?

It certainly does not mean there is something wrong with the kids. But perhaps there may be something wrong with the learning environment of the home or the school. Not that an excellent learning environment can't exist without computers, but today's typical kid in a typical home and typical school is not likely to harbour negative attitudes towards the computer unless parents and others around him having seen the computer only in a narrow way.