Sunday, June 10, 2001		Article

DURING a recent evaluation of exam answer-sheets, I had a thrilling experience. I came across some interesting ‘scripts’, in English, giving me glimpses of carefree, young minds.

The antonym of the word "substitute" was to be used in a sentence. Most of the students had given the antonym as "prostitute". The sentence made by a candidate read: "My father is a wise man. No sooner does our maid servant go on leave, he immediately makes arrangement for a prostitute."

A paragraph on "My father" had to be written. A fellow who had crammed up an essay on "My best friend" had to attempt it thus: "I have many fathers. But Ram Lal is my best father. All teachers give him love and affection. He is in love with the beautiful girl in the neighbourhood. My mother treats him as her own son..."

A student had written an essay on an Indian cow: "The cow is a wild animal. He has two teats and four horns. He is give milk when he is got child. He has four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. He daily binds my father with a rope..."Translation pieces were much more original. The handwriting of one candidate looked like a string of pure pearls. He had translated: "When I hit the bus I fractured the driver. I was then tooked to the hospital. Big doctor was checked me. He happily repaired me with needle and a very, very thin rope..."

Translating another piece another one wrote: " A boy met Socrates. Got his advice whether to marry or not. The goody man vomiting wisdom cried: ‘Marry you must an experienced girl. If you get more experienced wife, you will fell in heaven. If you get liking my wife, you will be free like me...’ "

One of the sentences for change into the passive voice ran: "Don’t sleep during my lecture". Most of the candidates had changed it thus: "Don’t lecture during my sleep". It seemed more of a youthful reply of the teacher than a change of the voice!

One of the students seemed to be the most intelligent among the whole lot. He had made use of the word "bright" in the future tense thus: "A master would always beat his donkey. Even then the donkey remained quite cheerful. A fellow donkey was upset and couldn’t help asking one day: ‘Why so cheerful in spite of all such beating? The stunning reply silenced the other one: ‘Whenever my master gets angry with his beautiful daughter, he always tells her to marry her with me. Hence my cheerfulness and my bright future. ’The fellow donkey naturally got worried about his own future tense."

The students were asked to make use of "lily-livered" in a sentence. One student wrote: "Lily liver is a living flower." Another wrote: "Liver is used to lift heavy things." Still another wrote: "Lily-livered people grow lily flowers." These were senior students!

Students were asked to retranslate into Hindi the piece given in English: "Share your problem of heart attack with the one who loves you most... Heart disease is a serious matter..."One of the students wrote: "Dil ka mamla hai..." Another wrote: "Ab ji kar kya karengei jab dil hi toot gaya..." Still another wrote: "Chori ho gayee chori, mere dil ki ho gayee chori..."

So many students had appealed for mercy. One of them wrote: "Sir, mujhe pass kar dena, varna meri shadi ruk jayegi. Bhagwan aap ko bhi ek sunder dulha deh!" (Sir, kindly give me pass marks. Otherwise my marriage won’t materialise. May God give you a handsome groom!) The poor fellow was so tense that he forgot how a "sir" needs a bride and not a groom!

Another one wrote: "Sir, aap ki kripa sei mein bachay ki ma bananay ja rahi hoon. Ek ashirwad aur dein. Mein kabhi nahin bholoongi." (Sir, with your efforts I’m going to become a mother. Another blessing please. I shall never forget you!)

Still another wrote: "Sir, meri tyari to poori thi. Meray pass maal bhi kaffi tha. Lekin, flying squad ne pesh nahin jane di. Ab aap hi kripa karein..." (Sir, I was fully armed. I possessed complete material with me. But the flying squad didn’t allow me to utilise that. Now your kindness please!)

One of the candidates tried to flatter me: "You are so handsome, so lovely, so nice and so kind, Sir. The twists of your mighty pen don’t harm anyone. The more you help others the more chances you have for a seat in heaven. The earlier you help me the sooner your chance!"

Another one wrote in Hindi as if challenging my authority: "Mein fail honay ja raha hoon. Tum rok nahin saktay. Agar dum hai to pass kar key dikhao?..." (I am going to fail. You can’t stop it. Have you the guts to pass me?...)