Sunday, May 6, 2001		Life Ties

VINOD and Maya were decorated doctors working in the Army. Not only were they sound professionals, they had also endeared themselves to the community with their compassionate service They felt they were doubly blessed as together with a successful career they had picture-perfect family of two sons and one daughter. Vinod’s only regret was that his old parents were not with him.

Constant transfers, often to remote non-family stations, had distanced him from them. During the initial years, they had come and tried to adjust to the military life. With long, erratic working hours, their doctor son and his wife could do everything for them except give them time. Loneliness made them desperate to return to their native village. The fact that Vinod was their only surviving child made the choice that much more difficult. This was the only guilt that Vinod carried.

However, he was a good son, who sent money religiously and every year went to the village with the family for six weeks. He would set the house straight, undertake repairs, run errands and make them as comfortable as possible. He often wished he had a couple of siblings. Not so much to share his responsibility but to give his parents the choice to reside with their offsprings during their old age. During one of Vinod’s annual monthly vacations, both of them died peacefully within a week of each other.

Vinod and Maya’s service career went by in a flash. Their children were bright, fiercely independent and very clear about career choices and future goals. Varun, the elder son, was not interested in slogging in academics. He wanted to do something which was "cushy yet rewarding." More than job satisfaction, the bottomline was: "How much money will I make at the end of the day?" He took up a career in the merchant navy and, at 18, was earning more than his dad. He had plans of owning a penthouse in Mumbai, a villa in Mussoorie and a plush apartment in Delhi by the time he was 30. Impossible dreams but, as far as he was concerned, achievable. His Christian wife shared similar interests and aspirations. Together, they sailed across the world for the first decade of their marriage. Later, she settled down in Delhi to take care of the kids and run a boutique of her own. He continued to sail.

Vikram, the second son, wanted to be an afsar. He wanted to sit in a position of authority, have an entourage of assistants and lead a life of sarkari comfort. He made it to the IAS after his third attempt, got married soon after and was content with his lot. Their daughter, Mini, was fond of children and wanted to be a teacher. She married Sagar, a childhood sweetheart. Hers was a simple lifestyle, with a structured existence revolving around home and family.

Maya retired from the Army before Vinod and associated herself with a medical establishment wherever he was posted. They planned to set up a combined practice post-retirement in Dehra Dun, a place where Vinod had spent some glorious years. Maya had been keeping indifferent health and, in spite of being a doctor, ignored warning signals. The family was unprepared for the paralytic stroke which completely immobilised her at the age of 47. Vinod still had two years to go before retirement. It made sense for her to live with one of the sons in the metros. Since the elder one was likely to be at sea for six months and his wife was constantly travelling to source her boutique requirements, Vinod felt it would be wise for her to be with Vikram.

For the first time, the balance tilted. Until now, both Vinod and Maya had been the ones to pamper the children, dip into savings whenever they wanted, baby-sit for the grand children and have them all over during the yearly break. Now she was dependent on them. Although a sudden physical disability had forced the situation on the family, Vinod hadn’t for a moment thought of hiring a nurse. It seemed natural for the sons to take charge till he could get a release from the Army. However, it came as a shock to him when he saw that the boys responded half-heartedly to the crisis. They were not sensitive to her needs and were ‘keeping’ her because Vinod had left them with no choice. Not so subtly, they pointed out their pressing official and personal commitments, children, financial constraints and paucity of time to him.

Maya was tended to by the multi-purpose mundu in the house, who too used to crib most of the time. Vinod knew that the arrangement was painfully inadequate but he was biding time hoping she would hold on until he could take charge. Inside, he was heartbroken. He and Maya had never wanted to be dependent on the children. They had taken medical insurance, invested in old age pension funds and prepared themselves for the eventuality of one of them being left alone. Maya’s paralytic stroke, however, had upset all their well-laid out plans.

Mini stayed in a different city, but came to visit her on weekends. She knew things weren’t hunky-dory but did not dare to interfere, lest her brother and his wife took umbrage. But when she came for a longer stretch, she was appalled to see poor standards of hygiene, a careless diet and the fact that her brother and sister-in-law did not even check on the older lady for days on end. She had been given a room which was at the farthest end of the house, right next to the servant quarters. Unable to bear it any more, she spoke first to her husband and then to her father and told them that she was taking their ma to her house.

Surprisingly, the resistance came from an outraged Vikram who felt insulted and humiliated. How could Mini cast aspersions on him and accuse him of neglecting their mother? What right did she have to come and meddle in their affairs? Mini,however, stuck to her guns and took her mother away. Her husband and two teenaged children offered complete support in shifting and settling her in. The kids vacated their room and did it up with flowers and cards, besides fitting it with necessary medical aids. In the weeks to come, a routine was established. It wasn’t easy. Everyone had to make adjustments, go out of the way and make a conscious attempt to spend time with Maya. They had to take turns in keeping a watch over her, change bed linen, air the room, give her a bath and read out to her. The question of sending her back did not arise. They were not parting with their naani. The world could say what it pleased.

Maya responded to the new environment and her condition improved. She could even gather enough energy and confidence to attend Vinod’s farewell functions on a wheelchair. Later, she moved with him to the house they had built for themselves in Dehra Dun with blessings in their heart for Mini and her family who had stood by them in time of need.