Sunday, April 29, 2001		Life Ties

SHISHIR had met Piya during a college festival. For three years, they went to the same places, read the same books and attended the same parties. They were acknowledged by friends as a "pair". Both had serious career expectations -- Shishir wanted to a financial analyst, while Piya wanted to take the IFS exam. Although Shishir had not categorically made a commitment of marriage to her, she had taken it for granted. Piya was an open person. By the time she graduated, her entire family had met Shishir and accepted him as one of their own. But all this while he maintained a stoic silence.He also never told his parents about Piya. He was the only son born after two daughters. There was a brother between the sisters who had tragically died when he was four years old. Ever since then his parents were obsessive about him. They panicked whenever he stayed out late. He was aware of their love for him and his over riding concern was to never hurt or disappoint them. He, therefore, kept bidding for time with Piya by reassuring her that he would broach the subject of their relationship at the earliest and have a tentative marriage date fixed. But every time it came to a crunch, he would chicken out. He would come up with excuses like his father’s heart ailment and his mother’s asthmatic condition and want her to understand and empathise.

Outwardly, she appeared to be a modern, liberated woman but deep down she was a simple and trusting little child who believed in fairy tales where the hero invariably was Shishir. She was fiercely loyal, running errands and odd jobs for him, driving her own car and spending liberally from her heftier pocket allowance. Shishir swallowed the slight blow to his manhood but let things be. It was convenient and easier this way.

Piya cleared her IFS but decided not to take it up. Her father tried telling her that she was letting go of an opportunity she would later regret. However, she could not accept anything that put a physical distance between Shishir and her. She would find something equally challenging to do, she would argue. She had been a good public relations person who had been getting freelance assignments in college. She was popular and efficient, always in the forefront organising functions, seminars and networking events. Her PR agency took shape almost effortlessly. She was now 22 and there was still no tangible commitment from Shishir. When pushed into a corner, he would plead for more time to prepare his parents.

When his parents got wind of his involvement with a jean-clad girl, they questioned him closely. He stumbled, stuttered and denied the relationship reassuring them that she was just a good friend and that he would get married to a girl of their choice once his CA was over. In his mind, he thought he had succeeded in bargaining for extra time during which he would get them around. Piya by now knew that his parents had heard and not liked what they had been told about her. She confronted Shishir demanding clarification and insisting on formalising the relationship. When this did not happen, she decided to put some distance between them. She had to sort out her own feelings and accept the fact that he probably would never take up for her. The years were flying past, she wanted to settle down and start a family. In the initial years, she hadn’t pressed for a commitment thinking there was still time. When she started getting impatient forcing him to look at things from her point of view, he always managed to make her feel guilty of putting herself first, not understanding him and his parents’ emotionally distraught state. When she saw her first grey hair and laugh lines, she knew that she had to get away before it was too late. Things were perhaps never going to change.

Her parents too were pressing panic buttons making her realise that she was no longer ideal marriage material. Age was against her, and good proposals from their city were difficult to come by since everyone knew of her long standing relationship. They suggested she go to Canada to her cousin, find a job and get over the trauma of a failed relationship. She could not put a final full stop but decided to jolt Shishir by threatening to stay away. She was confident that he would be forced to review the situation and fight for their love. When that too did not happen and she could no longer bear the pangs of separation, she went back to him. She had after all given herself up completely to him and a future without him seemed dismal and bleak. She was prepared to wait till he was ready to marry her. Shishir was relieved to have her back in his life.

He finally cleared his exams and was ready to set up private practice. Soon he would be financially well off and then maybe he would convince his parents to marry her. Again, things did not work out. A week before her thirtieth birthday, he called up to tell her that it was all over. He had not been able to say no to a proposal that his parents were emotionally blackmailing him to consider. He was sorry that it had to end this way. She later got to know that the girl’s father had sponsored him for a two-year study programme in the USA.

What was hurting was the manner in which a 13-year-old association laced with countless dreams, hopes and promises got trashed in a moment. He had got on with his life. Nothing was awry. in fact, he was poised for take off into a world that promised success and opportunity. It was her world which had come crashing down. She had not the faintest idea how she was going to reconstruct it.

Her father - her unfailing pragmatic and democratic friend, philosopher and guide -- gave her some time to pull herself together. When that didn’t happen, he had a talk with her making her go over the entire relationship to see where she had gone wrong. She had to take responsibility for her decisions.

The choice of staying on in a relationship which had long ceased to be mutually reciprocal was hers. Inspite of the family cautioning her, she had been unable to assess the situation and the man for what they were. She had insisted on seeing hope where there was none. She had soldiered on steadfastly on a path where her partner was weak and incapable of making a commitment. Couldn’t she see that it was a relief they hadn’t married because she would have been the one making all the adjustments? He was not a bad man and neither was she foolish enough to hold onto something that had no future. They had shared good years together and she must preciously treasure that. The fact that it didn’t work out was something she had to take in her stride and give the rest of her life a fair chance. He told her they were going for a holiday to Europe with a stop over in Canada to see if she could use her skills to find a suitable job. A change of scene and the promise of a new future would gradually heal the scars and make her fit enough to fall in love again. Hers was a fairy tale and her prince charming was there after all. She didn’t have the strength to struggle. She allowed her father to take charge. He too knew that she would bounce back but till then he had to rally around and give her all his time, support, patience and love.