Sunday, February 25, 2001		Life Ties

ARJUN was an average student. A prankster in school, he was constantly pulled up by his best friend Kabir for being too casual and laid back. However, things changed overnight when his father, a Warrant Officer in the Indian Air Force, passed away. Since he had died on duty, the government allotted a gas agency to the family. Arjun with his mother and elder sister Rashi moved to Delhi. He became serious about studies and felt responsible for his family. Gone was the impish boyishness. He had turned into a mature man of the world who had a load on his shoulders with no time to waste. He had to marry off his 29-year-old sister for whom the clock was ticking away. She had rejected some very good proposals waiting for the elusive Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet.

He motivated his mother to take charge of the office till he completed his studies. Meanwhile, he touched base with old friends of his father and established links with anybody who could give him useful tips on running a successful gas agency. His day comprised an 18-hour working schedule where he would alternate between college, meetings and setting up his office.

Through the network of relatives, he fixed up his sister’s marriage and singlehanded attended to every little detail. Unfortunately, the husband died in a car accident a year later leaving Rashi three months pregnant.

Since Rashi had been having adjustment problems with her in-laws, she decided to abort the baby and return to her maternal home. For Arjun there was now the added responsibility of making Rashi financially independent and helping her to cope with her grief. He also had to start scouting around for a suitable match all over again.

By the time he finished his graduation his gas business had taken off. He had streamlined operations by having an efficient lineup of staff, including well- trained delivery boys. Customer service was high on the agenda and he had garnered a lot of goodwill in the market. All along, his humility and simplicity quotient remained high. He knew that he had just been plain lucky. He may be successful and wealthy and he may have made the most of an opportunity that had come his way. But, he knew that had he to work his way up like any other youngster. He donated generously to causes.

Rashi’s marriage was fixed for the second time to a businessman in Mumbai. Arjun was now mentally free. He could finally tie the knot with his long-standing girl friend Ambika. But destiny willed otherwise. Rashi’s marriage was on the rocks. Her husband was greedy and made unreasonable demands. Arjun went out of the way to keep him happy, hoping that things would settle down but when Rashi herself decided to call it quits he was left with no choice but to let her return home. Meanwhile, Ambika’s parents were getting impatient and had given him an ultimatum — either he had to marry her immediately or call off the engagement.

Rashi and his mother told him not to worry about them. He had a life of his own. He had to marry and settle down. How long could he wait? Besides he and Ambika had shared a wonderful eight-year association which must culminate in marriage. Their reassurances worked and he agreed to set a quick marriage date.However, when he approached Ambika he was taken aback to find a new pre-condition. She told him that she would marry him if he agreed to live away from his family. She did not want to start her married life with the responsibility of an ailing mother-in-law and a definitely ill-adjusted sister-in-law.

Arjun’s emphatic no, enraged her family and they immediately packed her off to her sister’s place in Canada, thus terminating their relationship with one single sweep. He was terribly hurt by her adamant and irrational behaviour. Right in the beginning of their relationship he had made it clear that his mother was his sole responsibility. He expected his wife not just to be duty-bound and caring but to be genuinely affectionate. That was his only demand from his spouse.

Where his sister was concerned, he hadn’t anticipated her not settling down but now that it had happened, he couldn’t wish it away. She had no where else to go and he would not dream of setting up a home independent of them. There were people in the family who would gossip behind their back, fabricate lies about Rashi and cast aspersions on their suddenly acquired wealth and change in lifestyle. All this made Arjun even more protective about his mother and sister. He wanted to insulate them against all hurt and pain. He felt they had gone through enough trauma already. He motivated Rashi to take on more responsibilities at the gas station.

As the years rolled by, there was increasing pressure from his mother to marry since he was already 34. He succumbed to her requests and agreed to see the girls she had shortlisted. Meena was also 32 and single. Things clicked, the stars matched and the wedding was fixed.

Problems began as soon as they returned from their honeymoon. Meena couldn’t see eye to eye with Arjun’s mother. There was a huge difference in their backgrounds. Meena came from a refined and polished family which was well-versed in social graces. She was aghast at the unsophisticated and crude manner in which the mother and sister would talk and present themselves publicly. She found their way of dressing loud, their conversation dull and their food habits and general interests off-putting. Even when they made a polite suggestion, she would think they were being sarcastic trying to put her down. Initially, Arjun played the peacemaker, carrying messages back and forth clearing the air, but a stage came when he threw up his hands and withdrew. Meena had to adjust.

She was unwilling to play the coy bride. She made no attempts to integrate herself into the family. Rashi tried befriending her but found her efforts rudely spurned. They decided it would be best to leave her alone. Unfortunately, it still did not solve the problem. She would lock herself in the room all day and when Arjun would return in the evening, she would sulk, exaggerate facts and get hysterical. When she saw that Arjun was not moving out, she gave him an ultimatum — he had to choose between her and his mother/sister.

Arjun’s mother decided to take charge. She was certain that they couldn’t have another broken marriage in the family, more so when Meena and Arjun had struck up a comfortable rapport. Since the bone of contention, for whatever reasons, was their presence in the house, she told Arjun that they were going to live in their ancestral home in Indore. She brushed aside his protests. Her decision was final. The young couple needed breathing space and privacy. It was unfair to expect the young bride to make all the adjustments. Besides, they weren’t going away forever.

Meena was quite surprised at the turn of events. She had not expected Arjun’s mother to respond with such grace and dignity. She had neither blamed Meena nor had she play the martyr’s role. Meena softened -- the older lady knew that all was not lost. The young couple would gradually build a strong foundation. Once Meena became secure and had children of her own, she may not resent Arjun’s responsibility towards her and Rashi. She was willing to give the young girl time to sort her feelings and arrive at her own conclusions. They had, in any case, lived their life. They were fortunate in having a wonderful son who would still stand by them. At this moment, her native wisdom told her to move away so that he could build his own future and nurture his own family. They owed that to him.