Sunday, February 4, 2001		Article

THERE is no reason why courtesy should die. There are opportunities galore to show civility: in our relationship with friends and family; those who serve us in restaurant; colleagues and others whom we meet by chance.

There are people who are curt, rude and rough-mannered. There are others who may be tactless, thoughtless — hurting one’s sensibilities. Showing appreciation or paying compliments is foreign to their conduct.

We are living in an "age of bad temper". The natural warmth and consideration that was once shown to one another has been replaced by coolness, hostility and rudeness. Cut-throat competition has become literal!

Our time is characterised by a mass dysphoria, a Greek word, meaning a feeling of ill-being, an abnormal state of anxiety, discontent and discomfort.

One thinks that gentleness gets one nowhere. If one tries thrice to be polite, one is dubbed a quacking-duck because the dysphoric out-do you anyway.

A harsh word from the husband sets the wife in misery all day long, and vice-versa. A blunt approach by an official sinks a visitor into a pool of misery. A telephone call left unattended to, makes the caller so impatient that he spends a part of the day sulking.

Rudeness results in resentment. Rudeness and bad manners go together. They do not win esteem and admiration of others. They also make one unwelcome and disagreeable in social life.

Civility, contrarily, sweetens life. Too much is better than too little of it.

It springs from our heart. It is akin to affection. The courtesy that we show in our day-to-day behaviour is an offshoot of this inner feeling. "Kind hearts are more than coronets," is a gem of practical wisdom.

Shall we take the civility approach as old-fashioned? Consign it to the dustbin of discarded ideas? There is joy in being polite, in helping another to smile. "Ghar se masjid hai bahut door, yunhi ker lain; kisi rote huai bache ko hassaya jaye," (It is a duty to make a gloomy one glad because the sweetest smile comes from the lips of a sad person), says Nida Fazli.

A face that sulks always is like a bud that has dried up on stalk: Will it not make life smooth and pleasant without bile? Civility costs nothing. It is tax-free.

If there is anything we need, in the world of cut-throat competition, it is a "kind" word. The soft word balms bruised feelings.

We look forward to big occasions (which never come) to show our soft selves. Life provides thousands of small occasions to display graces. When meeting people greet them with a cheery salutation. Most often we acknowledge greetings with a sullen face or dismiss them with a perfunctory "hi".

Who are the people you admire? They are the ones with a bright disposition. They are honey-drops of society.

Joyous moments come from sweet and civil words. When a lover tells his sweetheart, "I will pluck stars from the sky for you," she knows it is hyperbolic but even then she believes it. This is the magic of sweetness — the core of civility. A soft glow on face is like sunbeam to a landscape. It embellishes the ordinary one, and redeems the ugly one.

A stern businessman walked into a store. He wanted to buy a pair of socks. "You must get some hard customers in here?" he asked the salesman.

"Some of them are hard," the salesman replied, "but I do not really have much difficulty. I smile and then selling is easy."

"Get them to smile, indeed." He laughed. He walked out of the shop buying three pairs of socks!

Your own life will be more greased with gladness if you are polite.