Sunday, January 28, 2001		Life Ties

BHANU had just completed her matriculation when Inder saw her for the first time. He was bowled over by her vivacity and beauty. Like her father, he too was in the Punjab Police. He was a frequent visitor to their home. Although junior in seniority and age, he was a favourite with Bhanu's father, especially since he made an excellent chess partner. Inder was painfully aware that he was 20 years Bhanu's senior. Try as he did, he couldn’t banish her from his mind.

Over the months she had become comfortable with him and confided in him all her girlish anxieties. He had no intention of altering the nature of their relationship. He was happy to see her for a few minutes every weekend, when he was summoned for a game of chess. He knew that he was much too old for her and definitely far more staid and boring. Those fleeting visions were enough to warm his heart for the entire week.

One day, a sepoy came rushing to his bachelor's quarters with an urgent summon from Bhanu’s father. He reached their immediately. The moment Inder rushed in, he gestured for the others to leave. During those five minutes, he made Inder promise that he would marry Bhanu. He had sensed his devotion and was sure that there was no one who could look after her better. Inder was speechless as he assured him that he was the luckiest man alive and that he would always keep her smiling.

They got married and went on to have three daughters and a son. Wherever they were posted, she would carve a niche for herself. She was easily the most talented and popular spouse in every battalion and unit. Women would beg her to hold classes and share her expertise of housekeeping with them.

There were times when they were hard up for money but Bhanu would laugh and sing her way through. She just didn’t know how to crib and lament over what she didn’t have. Whenever they had saved enough, they would take off for a holiday, travel second class, stay in ordinary guesthouses, pitch tents in the open and cook on makeshift chullahs. Whether it was the casinos of Nepal, temples of Jagannath Puri, the havelis of Rajasthan, backwaters of Kerala or the wildlife sanctuaries of Madhya Pradesh, they drank in different sights and enriched their lives.

In spite of the age difference, they shared a wonderful relationship. Though they were comfortable with each other, people often were not. They were met with curious glares wherever they went. To people who didn’t know them, they appeared an odd couple at first glance – she was petite, had a regal bearing and looked much younger than her age, he was handsome and distinguished but since he had greyed early in life, he looked older than his biological age. Colleagues asked veiled questions about their personal and sex life and new neighbours tried to guess what the relationship was all about. Was it Inder’s second marriage ? Was Bhanu his daughter? She was friendly and whenever she was found engaged in an animated conversation with a younger officer, tongues would start wagging. When Bhanu was doing her B.A privately and went to take her exams, fellow students would be brutal with their barbed taunts, ridiculing her for marrying a man more than twice her age.

Never did Inder curb or restrict her in any way. Her spontaneity was a perfect foil to his quietly indulgent and adoring nature. He loved her the way she was. Initially, Bhanu would get distraught when people would say something indiscreet but when he would gently hold her in his arms and reassure her, telling, her not to take people too seriously she would calm down. She never felt at a disadvantage, after having married an older man. Not once did their house echo with acrimony, discord or even hint of a disagreement. There was no bias or attempt at putting the ‘woman in her place’ on grounds of gender or age.

They were a sociable couple, but they didn’t need to befriend others to fill in any gaps in their relationship. They always had enough to do even if their interests were different. They allowed each other to be and yet had so much to talk about. Their long daily walks, at times hand in hand, made them the neighbours envy.

While they had come to terms with the hostilities and insensitivities of the world, their youngest daughter Avni, born, when Inder was 50, had to go through an ordeal on account of her parents looking ‘different’. The school had just had its annual function. Her classmates saw Avni with her parents and expressed disbelief, refusing to accept that Inder was her father. For almost a week, the inquisition continued, with her trying hard to field questions and handle what had snowballed into a serious ragging issue. Her grades started falling and she lost her appetite. Since she stubbornly refused to talk, Bhanu told the other siblings to find out. When the story came out they realised that while they had taken people’s callous disregard to privacy and feelings in their stride, the child was not yet prepared to defend herself. They had a heart-to-heart chat with her. Once the dam burst ,Avni broke down. Since there was now no need to be brave, she begged them to put her in another school. Bhanu talked to her at length all the while looking at the situation from the impressionable child’s point of view. It was no fault of hers that she had a father old enough to be a grandfather. They couldn’t erase images of classmates’ young parents from her mind. But they could lovingly show her that they were one big happy family and that age never was and never would be a barrier. Was she embarrassed of her father ? Did she resent being the last of four children, coming at a time when both parents were certainly not young and the strapping? When Bhanu told her how she had dealt with the cruel remarks of people in the initial years of her marriage and how it was the love they shared together, first as a couple and then as a family that Avni could begin to understand. They opened out old family albums and relived the great times they had. Could all her friends with ‘young looking mums and dads’ better that?

Bhanu said, "This is not a game of one-upmanship. There are certain things which are not in our hands. It would have been nice if you had younger parents, but just because we are older does not mean we love you any less or that you are any different from the rest of your friends. What does matter is how close we are as a family, how we are always there for each other and how the love and good times we share will provide us with strength and a solid foundation for the future." Never after that did Avni feel small or inadequate. If the occasion demanded, she would stand up for herself and give her friends the same ‘speech’ her mum had given to her.

Inder was a heart patient. By the time he was 70, he suffered three attacks. He had made provisions for his wife and family because he was convinced he would be the first one to go. But fate willed it otherwise. It was galloping cancer. Doctors were still trying to diagnose when she breathed her last at the age of 54. Inder had his fourth silent attack that night. He managed to live for another two years but the deterioration in his health was rapid. He started suffering from amnesia, remembering only the initial years they had spent together. The present and immediate past were blurred images while the past was alive and vivid. He was with Avni when he passed away. They were going through photo albums, seeing pictures of how they had all gone to Vaishno Devi. He asked for a cup of tea and when she returned his eyes were shut and a gentle smile was playing on his lips. Avni thought to herself, "If I had a choice in my next birth, I would ask God to give me the same set of parents".