Sunday, January 7, 2001		Life Ties

THE Three Musketeers. The tag stuck and so did their friendship. It spanned nearly five decades. Each one of them had a tumultuous life, but amidst all the chaos and change they managed to strengthen their bond. Their friendship stood the test of time, surprising even the worst cynics.

Ritu, Vandana and Deepa met when they were in Class XII. Their outward dissimilarities brought them together. If Ritu was the bold feminist inspired by Germaine Greer and Naomi Wolf, Deepa was coy and conventional. Vandana was the balanced one who could be vivacious and yet have her head firmly on her shoulders. They found themselves grouped together as a team on a college project and it seemed that would be impossible for them to finish it.

But they finally did complete the project and it not only won them an achievement award but also an invitation to take it to different colleges in North India. They knew they were a unique trio. Those last months at school sealed their association. They knew that wherever life took them, they would take their friendship along and they were not going to be content with hoarding college memories. They were going to make sure that they actively participated in each other’s life till death actually did them part.

Ritu wanted to go on a scholarship and study in the USA. Marriage was the last thing on her mind. She wanted to be independent. Deepa knew she would tie the knot the day she finished her graduation. She had no real plans for the future except being a good wife and homemaker. Vandana wanted to take the Civil Services exam.

Ritu went to the USA to do advanced studies in anthropology. Saurish was a fellow scholar. Since both didn’t want to be tied down in a conventional marital bond, they opted for a live-in arrangement. There were moments when she wanted to legitimise the relationship, to have a child but they were both busy with their careers. And when they did have the time, they were not too sure of their own future.

They had grown distant and were honest enough to admit that this was not the way they had envisioned their love to blossom. They formally moved apart. He migrated to Australia; she got passionately involved in her research. Finally, after retiring from the university, where she was a professor, she decided to return to India for good.

Deepa married into an affluent business family. She had three children and life was comfortable till her father-in-law’s death. Property disputes created a split in the family. There were fights amongst the brothers. The eldest shot himself, the second turned wayward and Deepa’s husband took to the bottle. Despite attempts at keeping the home together, she found herself floundering. Her eldest son who was bright had made it to Pilani but was sent back in her fourth year. He was caught taking and selling drugs in college. In spite of the fact that he was put in drug de-addiction camp, he died at the age of 22. Deepa managed to settle her other two children, but the spark had gone out of her life.

Vandana couldn’t take her IAS exam. There was pressure to get married since her father had three heart attacks and felt he was living on borrowed time. She married a test pilot in the Indian Air Force and was happy with the way life shaped up. There were no major achievements to show at the tail end of her journey but she was content and grateful for what she had. Her husband was a much-decorated officer. She had travelled with him all over the country, picked up whatever jobs came her way and enjoyed bringing up her son and daughter.

Their was a close knit family — adventurous and fun loving. Life took a somersault when her husband died in an air crash on the eve of their son’s wedding. The wedding was postponed. Vandana was the easiest person to get along with but she just couldn’t forge a harmonious bond with her daughter-in-law. She finally decided to move to their ancestral home in Ranchi and divided her time between Ranchi and Calcutta, where her daughter was married.

During the intervening four decades, the three kept in touch via letters, phone calls and meetings. They looked forward to getting together every time Ritu returned home. Before leaving for the USA, they had promised each other that come what may they would find the time to get together every time she came to India. Extricating from family commitments was never easy. Four years would be spent deciding where they wanted to go and what they wanted to do. Letters were the cheapest way to communicate and they did that at a three-tier level.

Vandana and Deepa, who were both in India, managed to talk and meet often. Their week-long sojourn whether in Kerala, Goa or Shimla was a pact they worked hard to keep.

It was truly a magical period. Like schoolgirls they would excitedly chatter, giggle and talk. They would sing, dance and stare at the stars. They would cry in each other’s arms and unburden their darkest secrets and fears. They would dreamily talk of their plans for the future. Their union would be a catharsis and rejuvenated them with strength and optimism as they returned home ready to cope and put their best foot forward.

The husbands, children and in-laws did resist. They created their share of scenes, threw tantrums and tried to intimidate. There were times they felt left out, wanting to come along and join the girls in their fun but this was one thing they were firmly told to stay out of. This was their time which was well-earned and deserved. There was no way they were going to let them play spoilsport. Over the years it became a pattern, which was by and large accepted.

Maintaining the friendship was no cakewalk and a lot of juggling had to be done. When the kids were young, Vandana would request her mother to come over from Bangalore to take charge of the house. Since she came from a Services family there was always a cash crunch. She had set up a separate savings account where she would religiously put aside some money, which at the end of four years, would be sizeable enough to allow her a holiday.

Deepa had no financial worries but she had to put up with a lot of bickering from her in-laws who just couldn’t see logic in their traditional bahu getting all excited about meeting her firangi friend and then taking off minus the husband and children for a week-long jaunt. They were suspicious and wary of the entire exercise. Fortunately, her husband could see the good it did to her. It was like going to a health farm and coming back with a spanking new body,mind and spirit.

When Ritu decided to return to India was a lot of churning in her mind as to where to settle down. After much thinking and deliberating, she decided to move to Ranchi and live with Vandana. Deepa’s husband had been ill for a long time. His excessive drinking had led to severe malfunctioning of the liver and kidneys. In his last 10 years, he was constantly in and out of hospitals and, finally, succumbed to a heart attack.

For Deepa, the most logical alternative now was to move to Ranchi. They are still there for their children whenever they need them but have decided to be on their own.

The three girls lead a full life. They take tuitions, go for walks, play board games, are members of the local card club, see all the movies and plays which come to town, use Ritu’s computer to be in touch with relatives, children and grand children over e-mail. Each values this new lease of life, thanks to the friendship they shared and nurtured.