Salesmanship

A manager at the Palm Beach seaside resort hotel overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, say we don’t have something. If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?" "Rain."

The catch

It was a hot day and an older man was fishing from the bank of the local stream and looked weary and very tired. A stranger stopped by and asked, "Any luck mister?" "Can’t complain." said the older man. "Why don’t you have a break for a while? Come down to the pub and have a refreshing drink with me." suggested the stranger. They made their way to the nearby hotel and the stranger bought the old man a tall, cold drink. "Tell me something. How many have you really caught today?" asked the stranger. "You’re the fifth." said the older man with a grin.

Sleeping pills

An exhausted looking man dragged himself in to the Doctor’s office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighbourhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the man answered, "I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot." A few weeks later the man returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!" "I don’t understand how that could be, said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" "That may be true," answered the man wearily, "but I’m up all night chasing those dogs, and when I finally catch one it’s heck getting him to swallow the pill!!!"

Arrangement . As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the lobby the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, "We’ll make a real big thing out of it. We’ll have five hundred people. We’ll order fifty limos." Daughter Grace says, "Why do you want to waste money like that? We’ll have the family and maybe a few friends. One limo just for us." They proceed. Grandson Jeff says, "We’ll have lots of flowers. We’ll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies, dozens and dozens."

Daughter Alice says, "What a waste! We’ll have one little bouquet, that’s enough." Suddenly, the voice of the old man is heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom, "Why don’t you get me my shoes? I’ll walk to the cemetery."

(The jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)