Good news, bad news

AN artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death."

"When I told him it would, he bought all of your paintings."

"That’s wonderful," the artist exclaimed, "What’s the bad news?"

"The guy was your doctor..."

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.

"But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How’s that?" the would be accountant asked.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much will my position pay?"

"I’ll start you at eighty five thousand," responded the owner decisively.

"Eighty five thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry. Now get to work!"

"I have to have a raise," the man said to his boss. "There are three other companies after me."

"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"

"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Sooner or later

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunken guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man,

‘Where do you work?’

The man said, ‘Here and there.’

The judge asked the man, ‘What do you do for a living?’

The man said, ‘This and that.’

The judge then said, ‘Take him away.’

The man said, ‘Wait, judge, when will I get out?’

The judge said to the man, ‘Sooner or later.’

Culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma