Defective nails

Two blondes were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away ‘cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it in!" The second blonde got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!"

Betrayal

An upscale thief, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to hit the safe in a store. One the safe door he was delighted to find a note reading: "Please don’t use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Alas, my confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken."

Backfire

A new teacher is trying to make use of her Psychology courses. She starts her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up."

After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you’re stupid, Johnny?" "

No, madam," he says, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

First day of school

Little Johnny came home from his first day of school and said "Mommy, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school."

"That’s nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are the only child?"

She just said, "Thank goodness!"

The lion’s choice

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.

If you wonder why the lion made the choice that he made, just consider that even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.

Culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma