...for the cause of daughters

TRADITIONAL bias against girls persists. In our society a son is a must-have. I knew this truth like most people do but thought it was limited to the hidebound and the not-so-educated lot. However, my own experience proved me wrong. Sadly, this prejudice is prevalent all across the board. No section of society is entirely free from it.

A couple of weeks ago I experienced a joy, the kind only a mother can know. I was the proud mother of a beautiful daughter. The night she was born, there was this nurse who had been particularly comforting. I told my husband to give her a packet of sweets and Rs 100 the first thing in the morning. I wanted to express my gratitude to her. Which she visited me late at night, excitedly I asked her that didn’t she think the baby was beautiful. She said: "Bahut pyaari hai. Lekin koi baat nahin, agli baar baba ho jayega (Don’t worry, you’ll have a baby boy next time.

Here my husband and I were ecstatic over the birth of our daughter and this woman was consoling me for not having a son. Naturally, the sweets and money were out of question. It’s hard to be good to someone who ruins your happiness.

From then on I was observant of people’s reactions. An aunt of mine said: "If you’d had a son, you would have been free." (Free of what, I wondered.) No demands for parties were made. The congratulations seemed perfunctory — more accurately sympathetic.

I realised it was the same story. When I was born at a military hospital at Silchar in Assam, my mother was sharing the room with another woman. Visitors who came to see the woman were effusive with their congratulations for she’d had a baby boy — in addition to the one she already had. One of them said: "Tusi taan 100 per cent score kar litte" (If the baby had been a girl she would have scored only 50 per cent. How foolishly insensitive.)

I remember my mother telling me that she had felt slighted — this after she’d already had my brother. This was 25 years ago. And to think that the mindset of the people remains much the same.

In today’s context at least this preference for boys seems misplaced. A child is a gift from God, a symbol of love and its arrival should be cherished in a manner that most befits that sentiment.

Why is a daughter not welcomed? Why is her birth not an occasion to celebrate but to despair?

According to Hindu mythology, a man does not attain moksha if his son does not light the pyre. It also says that a man gets hell if in his lifetime if he does not perform kanyadaan. What dichotomy. It’s absurd to think that a man’s place in hell or heaven is decided not by his deeds but by his progeny.

There have been instances of filial ingratitude where sons have failed their parents just as some daughters have brought disgrace to their families. Both should thus be treated in the same manner. No family is complete without a son just as it is incomplete without a daughter. But when the scale tilts to favour boys, it stinks of bias — bias which gradually finds place in the minds of even those who swear by objectivity and parity.

When I was in hostel my father had said in a letter, "I wouldn’t mind if I had several daughters like you." What any parent should pray for is a caring child — one who possesses qualities that make you swell with pride rather than stoop in shame.

I am not taking sides here but for the cause of daughters, I hope 25 years down the line the attitude is not the same — which is not to say that boys are any less but that girls are much more.