Drowning

STANDING at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning, and I can’t swim. Please save her! I’ll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.

Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where’s my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

Unanswerable

A TEACHER was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the boys said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "’because your feet ain’t empty."

A mistake?

A NEW business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this...somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’"

My business

A STREET person approached a passerby and said, "Sir, would you give me $100 for a cup of coffee?"

"That’s ridiculous! Do you really think anyone in their right mind would pay that much for a cup of coffee?"

"Just a yes or no, buddy," the beggar growled. "I don’t need a damn lecture about how to run my business."

A will

A MAN goes to his lawyer and says "I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it."
The lawyer says "Don’t worry, leave it all to me".
The man looks somewhat upset. "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like to leave a little to my children too.

(The jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)