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ATTRACTIVE. Well-educated. Financially stable. If these words describe you, the opposite sex should be beating down your door. Instead, there you are again, parked in front of the television for the third Saturday night in a row. It’s not easy being single, especially when friends, family and co-workers start questioning if you’ll ever circle around the holy fire. Eventually, you start questioning yourself: Will I find the right person? Is something wrong with me? Before answering these questions, it’s important to realise that many people are content living the single life. But if you’re not, the following five points may lend some insight as to why you can’t seem to settle down. You’re not ready for commitment If you’re a serial monogamist or juggle several relationships at once, you’re probably not prepared to commit to one person for the rest of your life. Every single human being, whether male or female, wants both freedom and stability. Finding a healthy balance between the two, experts say is a major obstacle to a successful relationship. |
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 For, men, the option of remaining
single indefinitely makes settling down less of a
necessity. Men are allowed to roam the earth until they
are good and ready to settle down. They’re expected
to sow their wild oats until they’re 30, and nobody
blinks an eye. For them, a major problem is fear of
making a permanent commitment. In the past, people
worried: Am I going to settle down with the right person?
Am I doing this because of societal pressure or because
of an unplanned pregnancy?Men aren’t the only ones afraid of commitment. Experts say, for most women, being single is a choice, and many are reluctant to give up their territory as well. The steady increase of women in the workforce means that they no longer have to be married for economic reasons. Women now fear losing control in a relationship just as much as men do. Family therapists opine that men and women who get caught in the trap of going from one relationship to another usually have an unrealistic expectation of romance. When the honeymoon stage of the relationship is over, some believe that the love is gone as well. If you only focus on romance, you neglect those other areas of love. These and other fears are partly responsible for the increasing number of couples who decide to live together without getting married. With divorce rates soaring as ever, more and more single people question the need to get married when they can love together. You don’t have a life Love won’t come looking for you if you’re renting videos every night or working from dawn ’till dusk. Get out there and meet people, experts say. They encourage singles to date as many different people as possible. We need to meet 10 people in order to find one who may be an appropriate candidate. Out of these 10, one may be your soul mate. If you’re having trouble having potential dates, shake up your routine. Sign up for a class, or volunteer in your community. Find something you like to do, and you’ll increase the odds of finding someone who shares your interests. Nobody likes a workaholic. Many relationships fail when one partner is obsessed with work. If you’re constantly cancelling dates due to work-related emergencies, you may be hiding other problems. You’re too picky Assessing what you need and want from a relationship is a good idea, but don’t go overboard. Many of us have a checklist of characteristics we look for in a partner and relationship. When an item of that list is not met, we automatically dismiss that individual as a prospect. Indeed, many modern relationships sound more like a business merger than a human one. We want our companion to be financially stable, but don’t want (him/her) to care more about making money than coming over to see us. A relationship is about two people caring about each other. If you have specific height and weight requirements, or insist that your date drive a certain car and wear certain clothes, you’ve lost sight of what is truly important. When you find someone you can call your best friend and that person is happy and productive in life, that’s all you should want. In reality, marriage counsellors say, we can’t get everything we need from one person. Stop looking for someone to be your everything, and start developing healthy relationships with all the people in your life. Keep your friends and outside interests. When a couple works together as a team instead of melting into a we, a good relationship is very possible. You’re not over past relationships We all have baggage, but many people let failed relationships affect their self-esteem. Don’t develop a doomsday attitude about relationships. When a relationship doesn’t work, it shouldn’t distract you from who you are. Women who have been burned several times in relationships may decide it’s easier to remain single. Those who have been abused or misused are likely to choose not to be involved ever again. As soon as a relationship crumbles, they blame themselves and don’t recover as fast as men do. Men have their baggage but tend not to give up easily. A man has to be in a relationship with a real psycho or have been married a couple of times before he thinks about never getting involved again. Take advantage of your time alone to reflect on past relationships. Being single is a time to learn how to make healthier, happier choices. Before getting involved again, determine who you are as a person. Figure out your quirks, your likes and dislikes and decide what you really want and need in a relationship. You’re getting desperate For some of us, the pressure to get married starts at age 25. By the mid-30s, people start raising their eyebrows. After 40, people start gossiping about your inability to find someone. By keeping the need for a mate in perspective, we give ourselves more choices. If people learn to date smart, they’ll marry smart. Recognise when you are compatible with a person and when the potential for a healthy relationship is there. Single people suffering from marriage anxiety tend to give off signs and signals that frighten prospective partners away. Dating is a chance to get to know someone, but it shouldn’t feel like an audition. When you relax and take the pressure away, love will find you when you least expected it. In the meantime, concentrate on yourself. Love your life and look your best at all times. After all, you never know when you might meet that special someone. |
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