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THIS is with reference to the article, "Separation in the sunset years" by Vimla Patil (April 2). I found the perspective of the author very prejudiced. Its true that in our male dominated society, in many cases of marital discord, women are victims of male ego and chauvinism. However this cannot be generalised. Both the major examples cited and the whole of the analysis into the problem by the author indicate that indifference, aggression and cruelty by men all through their lives cause women to seek separation or divorce in the later years. This is certainly an over-generalisation as in most of the cases, it is the increasing impatience, intolerance and frustration in both the partners which becomes a reason for separation in the sunset years. One gets the impression that separation or divorce is the best alternative to be followed to escape those problems. Marriage has been described as a ‘net’, or ‘trap’ and separation or divorce has been equated with "breaking loose from husband’s clutches", "A gusty act to earn peace" and "a chance to seek revenge by the woman". Thus, indirectly, or rather directly, the author has instigated the women to go in for divorce. |
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| This is, in fact, a very worrysome
attitude and can have dire consequences. It will bring
with it all the problems of those western societies which
have discarded the institution of marriage as too old
fashioned and boring. These are problems of depression,
anxiety disorders, drug-addiction, criminality and
alarmingly high suicide rates in the divorced persons as
well as their children. Loneliness and a feeling of guilt and regret for having deserted one’s life-partner after a life-long companionship, make the matters worse. Therefore, a couple with marital disharmony should, with a healthy and optimistic attitude, try to face, recognise and treat the underlying causes of the discord, and if needed, they may take professional help of a marriage counsellor. Old age is a stage of life when the husband and wife need each other more than ever before. By caring for each other in health as well as in illness, by sharing all the joys and sorrows and by loving each other all the more completely, life-partners can enhance the sense of integrity and well-being in each other and thus, the sunset years of life can prove to be a bliss. NEERAJ GILL II The writer gives an accurate picture but does not give any tips to avoid them. Bringing up children motivates the couple to be together and when this target is fulfilled this binding force ends. P. L. GARG III It is, tragic to note that the number of elder age divorces and separation in Indian society have increased by leaps and bounds in recent decades. Separation in the sunset years is unsetting and traumatic for old couples because at that age they need each other more than ever. The writer lists out the causes which drive couples apart in the twilight time of their marriages. Rivalry of children has been highlighted as one of the causes for breakdown of marriages of old couples. It is rather unfortunate that children become instrumental in creating misunderstandings between their old parents which leads to their separation. This is certainly not the way to trial their parents at a time when they need to be taken care of. The children should serve as bridges and not create rifts between their old parents. ONKAR
CHOPRA Defining love This is with reference to Taru Bahl’s article ‘Love isn’t just a feeling’ (April 2). The meaning of true love is understood by very few people. Nowadays it has become a status symbol to have girlfriend or a boy-friend. People fall in love for some time; enjoy the romancequit and then change partners. But how many of us really know what love is ? People’s views regarding the definition of love differ depending upon their personal experiences. Our society, friends, movies, parents, all play a vital role in making the image of love in our minds. People, who succeed in love, may define it as heaven, while people with broken hearts may say that love doesn’t exist. Love has a vital role to play in our life. Love more is more than a feeling. It is sacrificing, smiling even after all is lost, building and edifying relationship. It is selflessness. True love is unconditional. It stands like a rock against all odds. A selfish person can never succeed in love. SANJEEV
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