"$500 Porsche! New!"

A MAN was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye. It loudly announced, "$500 Porsche! New!" The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but he said to himself, ‘it’s worth a shot.’ So he went to the lady’s house who was selling the Porsche and she led him into the garage. Sure enough, there was an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said, "Can I take it for a test drive?"

"Sure," answered the lady. Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly. When he got back to the lady’s house, he asked her, "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

Then the lady replied with a laugh, "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me, ‘You can have the house and the furniture, just sell my Porsche and send me the money.’ "

Burning building

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It’s your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away...the Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato. "C’mon! Jump! You got to jump!’ say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You’re gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It’s Brunettes we can’t stand! We’re OK with Redheads!" "OK" says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You’re just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde. "No! Really! You have to jump! We won’t pull the blanket away!"

"Look," the Blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me that you’re not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."

Prompt service

Three insurance salesmen were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each company’s service. The first one said, "When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening". The second one said, "When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening". The last salesman said, "That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of the World Trade Centre, Tower 1. One of our insured who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor".

The blonde’s horses

A blonde guy bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor
suggested that he cut the tail of one horse. That worked great until the other horse got his
tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse’s tail, and our blonde friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested he notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn’t tell them apart. The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black one.

Mr Fix-it

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor.
"Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold."
So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and stopped barely an inch above the doctor’s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free. Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner. "Head up," said the chemist. "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade and it again stopped an inch above the chemist’s neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free. Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" asked the executioner. "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out, "WAIT! I see what the problem is!"

Keep the change

A world leader met with Clinton in the Oval Office. Bill said, "To show my appreciation for all the things you’ve done for our country, I want to present you with a brand new Cadillac. It’s loaded! It has everything! Here you go. Here are the keys."

The other world leader said, "Now, Bill, you know that I can’t accept that!"

Bill said, "Oh, yeah, right! Gift limits and all that! Here! I’ll sell it to you for half a dollar!"

His guest said, "Okay, Mr. President," and gave him a dollar.

Bill said, "Oops! I don’t have change!" He pocketed the dollar.

His guest said, "That’s okay. I’ll just take two Cadillacs."

(These jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)