Sunday, February 6, 2000		Article

Jaya plays mother smothered by duty

The Jaya Bachchan-starrer play Ma Retire Hoti Hai graphically describes a sore wound which Indian mothers have been covering up for decades under the gentle curtain of love, duty and sacrifice. Does the play offer a reasonable solution or cure for this wound? Vimla Patil raises some pertinent questions that the play throws up.

IT is often said that films and plays hold a mirror to social realities. If this be true, Ma Retire Hoti Hai, a play which is drawing full houses—even at tickets priced at Rs 1000 to Rs 500—must be touching a not-so-secret chord in every mother’s heart. Possibly, the enthusiastic, upper crust audiences rush to the performances—many abroad and a few in India till now—to see the great actress Jaya Bachchan play the pivotal role of a much abused and disillusioned mother, who experiences the dismal behaviour and lies of her children and husband and decides to ‘retire’ from her role of caretaker and nurturer.

This means that the subject of mother abuse—subtle or overt—has been a problem of all classes of society in India for several painful decades. While this may seem a hackneyed and boring grumble, the new attitude of the millennium mother may increasingly come as a surprise to our society. If mothers of yore suffered their fate because of illiteracy and helplessness, a time for change has come. Today’s mothers are educated, thinking, aware of their dignity, often financially independent—and are even willing to question some of the fundamental tenets upon which a woman’s life-roles are based.

For centuries, like ‘Sudha Agarwal’ of the play, mothers in India have lived under the crushing burden of guilt, sacrifice and betrayal by their children. Thanks to even modern sciences like psychiatry, any wrongdoings or misconduct of the children are put squarely on the tired shoulders of the mother. In every situation, where a daughter misbehaves or a son turns into an ungrateful wretch, the finger of accusation inevitably points towards the mother. It is she who has failed to give them the right values or samskaras, says the world. It is she who has not given ‘quality time’ to the children in their growing years, say the doctors and social scientists. It is she who must forgive them, accept the humiliations they pile on her and smile through everything because she is "after all the mother" says society. Undoubtedly, every Indian woman, rich or poor, has heard these words ad nauseum - Tum to ma ho. Tum samajh lo. Ma mamta ki murat hoti hai. Tum bachchon ke gunahon par parda dalo.

Every religious text, every piece of literature, every modern film, play, short story or novel sings the same tune. And surely, as a result of the tremendous pressure put upon them by centuries of brainwashing, most mothers do nothing but this all their lives.

To speak the truth, the Jaya Bachchan play is not first media effort to show up how sons, daughters and of course husbands control a woman by labelling her as a wife, mother, homemaker, or even a grandmother and then betray her in her twilight years. Films like Avtaar have shown similar aspects of family life in India where money and the lust for property and an upgraded lifestyle cause sons and daughters to put their old parents on the streets to live in penury and shame. These efforts—films and plays—have been inevitably popular because at least in the make-believe world of make up and acting, there seems to be a solution available for elderly mothers or parents.

In the Jaya Bachchan play, for instance, disgusted by the lies and scheming of her sons, and the behind-the-scenes plotting of her daughters-in-law, the irresponsible runaway marriage of her teenage daughter, the mother gives one month’s statutory notice and declares that she will ‘retire’ from family life and its manifold responsibilities. The climax of the play shows her packing her bags and leaving for an unknown destination, with a declaration that she owes no explanations to anyone. Whereas the play ends on a robust, defiant note tinged with sadness, in actual life, the story may be quite different.

Many mothers who are abused by their own ambitious, breathtakingly money-driven children lead helpless lives because they have no independent means to survive some dignity in life. Some have failing health and no one to depend upon. Some are widows. Some have never worked outside the home and have no knowledge or experience of the world outside. Some are emotionally weak. Yet others have already suffered ill-treatment from ruthless husbands who side with the children to oust her from her position. Middle class yuppie sons and daughters who have tasted the blood of upper class freedom and a fancy lifestyle, even encourage their father’s misbehaviour towards their elderly mother calling her a fool or backward idiot because secretly, they have their eyes trained on the father’s savings, his house, and whatever other assets the struggling old parents may have collected during their working lives. Even those sons or daughters who are well off after receiving an excellent education and sterling opportunities because of the parents, turn away and are "too busy" as soon as they see the glitter of money and material possessions on the horizon.

Innumerable sons and daughters marry without even the knowledge of their parents and return for forgiveness and acceptance when trouble befalls the relationship. They actively and deliberately hide their income, ambitious future plans, and the tasty fruit of their newly rich lifestyle for fear that they may have to share the goodies with their old parents. Sons, influenced by their intrepid wives, lie to their parents, keep the parents out of their confidences; yet they continue, as and when needed, to use the "support system", "infrastructure" or "trapeze net" which old mothers or fathers can provide. Innumerable old mothers today look after their grand-children when daughters or daughters-in-law go to work to build lucrative careers.

Many old mothers travel to faraway countries and unfamiliar environments to help with their daughter’s or daughter-in-law’s confinement, to keep house for busy students or career-women. Many such mothers end up being "an extra pair of hands" or worse, old women "meddling" with the children’s upbringing or discipline. The theme here is I want you to work in my house. But I want you to do it my way. All this happens under the guise of "mother’s duty" Unfortunately, no one ever questions whether children too have duties towards their mother or not.

Like the mother so consummately portrayed by Jaya Bachchan, many mothers feel betrayed, cheated of the recognition and respect due to them for their contribution to their children’s lives and success. Jaya’s real-as-life acting shows that inside every Indian woman’s heart, there is a secret pool of pain which is waiting to overflow!

But if Jaya Bachchan’s Ma is any indication, a change is in the offing. The era is not far when mothers too will demand value for value and reward for effort. They may do just that much for a married son or daughter as he or she deserves. The traditional "no expectations, but only love and sacrifice" attitude of a mother may die a slow but sure death in the coming decades. Mothers may, in the not-too-distant, walk away with their self respect and dignity from demeaning situations, whatever the cost. Of course, then they will be blamed for breaking up the family institution! Because once again, to keep the family together even under the most trying circumstances, is the woman’s—or mother’s—duty according to our cultural tradition!