Net picking

Get out of the mess yourself

SO the big game hunter gets talked into taking both his wife and her mother along on one of his expeditions.

It does not go well. The mother-in-law is, if anything, harder to get along with in the wilds than she was in the city. And to make matters worse, she won’t even abide by the simple camp rules designed to keep the safari safe.

One night after dinner, the hunter’s wife realises her mother is missing. Panicked, she rushes to her husband and begs him to institute a search.

He sighs, and together they set out. But before they’ve gone far, they hear throaty growling and soon they come upon a small clearing in which the mother-in-law stands, backed up against thick, seemingly impenetrable jungle brush, and facing a huge male lion.

The wife whispers urgently, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing whatever," responds her husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, now let him get himself out of it."

Mrs Johnson

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.

After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?"

The judge said that was true.

"Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked.

The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.

The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said,

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."

Marylou

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

He asks, ‘What was that for?’

She replies, ‘What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?’

He says, ‘Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on.’

She is appeased and goes off to work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

He says, ‘What’s that for this time?’

She answered, ‘Your horse called!’

(These jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)