Political pot-pourri
This 'n' that
By Renee Ranchan

WITH all the election overkill, I definitely do not wish to speak of elections! One magazine aptly described the scenario as ‘Here we go again’ on its cover. And yes, that could not be nearer the truth. Don’t you feel that elections have a way of coming around rather too frequently? This positively has been the case these past few years. And then they speak of voter apathy! Can the average voter really be blamed? Every little while you find yourself in the polling booth and once the gourment is elected, you are back to square one. You have the same old problems — power cuts, water scarcity, overflowing garbage heaps, pot-holed roads, spiralling unemployment and inflation (though, of late, the reports doing the rounds report inflation at its lowest!). Need I continue with this cataloguing? This time our elections have acquired a real filmy flavour — though, of course, for the past some years it has become fashionable to rope in a Bollywood hero or heroine. For that star appeal. To provide that glamour and glitter we are all so gullible to.This year, however, we have taken this ‘star appeal factor’ a bit too seriously. How else would you explain a Pooja Batra, Mukul Dev and a Deepti Bhatnagar flying down to Delhi to mouth BJP slogans, to tell the people of Chandni Chowk to vote for BJP’s Vijay Goel. And the people — many who do not even intend to vote for the party — flocking to catch a glimpse of the stars. The stars, of course, do not (cannot is more like it!) give lengthy speeches detailing the work that needs to be done in the specific constituency. They make brief appearances and tell you to vote for so and so. It is, I guess, like endorsing a product. Drink Pepsi because Shah Rukh and a whole host of your other idols do so.

In the meantime you hear that the Congress has only managed to rope in good old Sunil Dutt to shine against Vijay Goel’s starry trio. But that is not all. We hear how Sushma Swaraj aka ‘Bharatiya nari behn hamari’ took a crash course in Kannada, urging the people of Bellary to vote for her. After all, she had come all the way from Haryana "to solicit your valuable vote". Rumour has it that Priyanka Gandhi has taken a leaf out of her book and is busy learning a few effective sentences in Kannada. And we all know who the crowd will take to more! And then there are full-length, half-page advertisements (yes, elections have become a real promotional game) crowing in big, bold letters: Don’t vote for him because he was born in India. Vote for him because you were. In the end it says something like, the world gives him its respect, so now it’s time to give him your vote. The man: Vajpayee. Then one has Priyanka telling voters, "I have brought my mother to you. She is all yours." It has the right ring, do you not think? Just as does the picture of daughter Vadra fussing over her mother’s English accent — why, after all these years Mummy cannot speak with the right inflection and perfect syntax? Her Hindi, as says everybody, is better than her English. A real mystery since she was a language student when she met Rajiv.

One paper carried an amusing report on how Sonia admitted it was not possible to meet the proposed quota for women "on these elections". (However, if you ask me, it is no big deal, that is what Indian English is all about.) And while on the Gandhis, what do you have to say about Sonia and Rahul’s chopper landing at the wrong helipad? And Rahul ended up shaking hands — till the confusion was sorted out — with the soccer team of Kurukshetra university lads. Sonia Gandhi does come under Z-plus security, does she not? And that is not all — recently the Haryana Police had ‘unearthed a terrorist gameplan to send human bombs to liquidate high-profile politicians, including Sonia Gandhi’. Human bombs have been in vogue for some time. It does make you wonder whether fiction imitates reality or is it the other way around? Dil Se, I am sure you have seen the movie, showed how human bombs were ready to explode on Republic Day.

Dynastic rule, is no longer a major issue with people in case you have not noticed. The present logic: it is but natural for a businessman’s son to join business. The trend now for over a decade was for an actor’s son (now daughter as well) to follow Dad’s (even Mum’s) footsteps. If that was how things worked in tinsel town, the land of dreams, then how could that not be the correct order of things. So there is no reason to arch your brows when you hear that Sushma Swaraj’s campaign manager is hubby Swaraj Kaushal. It is about keeping it all in the family. Laloo did set this precedent, so it should not come as a surprise. Ranjan Bhatta-charya, have you heard the name? The first time I heard it, there was all this Delhi-Lahore hype. Bhattacharya gave up, if I recall correctly, his promising career in the hospitality business, to take-care of his foster father-in-law’s needs. A 75-year-old man with a punishing schedule did need someone to ensure that at the end of the day he got a hot meal and clean sheets. Addressing nearly 160 meetings in one month is no joke. The father-in-law in question — our Prime Minister. That is not where it stops. Daughters were in behind-the-scene politics in a big way. (This was news — I had only known of Priyanka and before her, her grandmother when she was Prime Minister Nehru’s daughter.) I have heard Murli Manohar Joshi’s beti had painstakingly set up her father’s website. And that Advani’s daughter, Pratibha, astutely handles his travel itinerary, come election time. Politics has become, in many ways, a showbiz. If you miss my point, just switch on the TV and turn to any channel. There ‘they’ are with perfectly coordinated designer cotton wear and glib one-liners slinging mud at the opponent party. And all market themselves as vessels of hope.

But good gosh! I see I have reached the end of my strip and there I was promising not to speak of politics, the forthcoming elections... And I have done nothing but... Something like what our dear politicians say they would not do but do so anyhow. Must be something in the air, what do you say?