119 Years of Trust

THE TRIBUNE

Saturday, September 4, 1999

This above all
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Parents as friends
Young speak
By Swati Maheshwari

"YOU don’t have to say a thing. This can’t be anyone else but Simran", says an emotional Anupam Kher to Shahrukh Khan on meeting Kajol for the first time in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge. The mutual understanding and easy camaraderie between father and son in the blockbuster proved to be one of the highlights of the film. The son takes the problems related to his love life to none other than his father, discussing these over cans of beer.

A part of the audience sighed, "We wish we could do the same with our parents". Surprisingly, there were an equal number who could identify themselves with the closeness of the relationship, "Hey my parents are like that". This is the section of society who scoffs at a term like generation gap.

The parent-offspring relationship has undergone a gradual but certain change. For many today, their parents are their closest friends. This bonding is evident in the reactions of people spoken to. "This ‘generation gap funda’ is outdated. It doesn’t apply to today’s parent-child relationships," "My mother’s a parent but a friend also. No one understands me better than her. If I have any ‘guy trouble’, I take it to her," "We both held each other’s hands and cried during Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Both of us drool over Pierce Brosnan much to my father’s irritation," "My parents have had a great rapport with all my girlfriends", "I love discussing my day with my parents. It’s cathartic."

For a number of parents today it is extremely important to be able to communicate with their children. They are making a conscious effort to befriend their children. Gone are the days when parents were nothing more than strict disciplinarians wielding the stick to ensure their children didn’t step out of line. And when the generation gap was an unbridgeable chasm. Madhu Goswami says, "I remember I was in hostel and was very happy there with friends. I hardly felt homesick. I used to be glad to get out of the house because my father was such a terror. We were six siblings so my mother was kept busy with just the household work. I didn’t want that for my children".

In contrast is a drastic but refreshing change of attitude towards parenthood. No more imposition of parents’ wishes on the child. More of a let’s-talk-about-it approach. No more "If you get a boyfriend, I’ll shoot him". Instead "If you ever like a guy, I want you to come and tell us". No more "You have to become a doctor/engineer". Rather "Do whatever you want but work hard and try to excel in it". Twentytwo-year-old Shuchi Batra sums it up, "Ultimately, I make my own decisions but I discuss them with my parents. They help me make more informed decisions".

In a popular programme on TV Just Mohabbat, parents are shown trying their best to dispense with the dreaded generation gap. They are very upset that their teenaged son doesn’t have a girlfriend. They tell their son, "Why don’t you get a girlfriend, blow up our hard- earned money on her, take her out in our car and get a dent or two? Why don’t you do the things teenagers are supposed to do and parents are supposed to get angry about"?

Unlike such zealous parents, there are others who admit they were forced to change somewhere along the rocky path of parenthood. I was a really strict parent till my children reached their teens. Then I don’t quite know how the relationship changed. Today’s children are much better informed. I could talk to my children almost as equals. I enjoyed their company. They could logically rationalise their decisions so I had to listen. The equation changed gradually and grew friendlier. Also, I realised that if I wanted to be a part of their lives, I would have to change, Manasi Kapoor confesses candidly.

While this trend is laudable, others are quick to caution it might be nothing more than a superficial, cosmetic change. Parents might convey the impression of being modern and progressive, but scratch the surface and their conservatism is revealed. Look around and you’ll see the number of parents still keen on their children becoming doctors or engineers. The parents who would still rather choose a bride for their son than have him choosing one himself. Meenakshi Chadha points out, "Tell me how many parents actually impart sex education to their children today"?

Some hiccups notwithstanding, the parent-child relationship is undeniably changing. The generation gap, cause of a lot of problems in this relationship, is decidedly suffocating. The narrower the gap, the healthier the relationship.back


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