Parents as friends
Young
speak
By Swati
Maheshwari
"YOU dont have to say a
thing. This cant be anyone else but Simran",
says an emotional Anupam Kher to Shahrukh Khan on meeting
Kajol for the first time in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le
Jayenge. The mutual understanding and easy
camaraderie between father and son in the blockbuster
proved to be one of the highlights of the film. The son
takes the problems related to his love life to none other
than his father, discussing these over cans of beer.
A part of the audience sighed, "We
wish we could do the same with our parents".
Surprisingly, there were an equal number who could
identify themselves with the closeness of the
relationship, "Hey my parents are like that".
This is the section of society who scoffs at a term like
generation gap.
The parent-offspring
relationship has undergone a gradual but certain change.
For many today, their parents are their closest friends.
This bonding is evident in the reactions of people spoken
to. "This generation gap funda is
outdated. It doesnt apply to todays
parent-child relationships," "My mothers
a parent but a friend also. No one understands me better
than her. If I have any guy trouble, I take
it to her," "We both held each others
hands and cried during Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Both of
us drool over Pierce Brosnan much to my fathers
irritation," "My parents have had a great
rapport with all my girlfriends", "I love
discussing my day with my parents. Its
cathartic."
For a number of parents
today it is extremely important to be able to communicate
with their children. They are making a conscious effort
to befriend their children. Gone are the days when
parents were nothing more than strict disciplinarians
wielding the stick to ensure their children didnt
step out of line. And when the generation gap was an
unbridgeable chasm. Madhu Goswami says, "I remember
I was in hostel and was very happy there with friends. I
hardly felt homesick. I used to be glad to get out of the
house because my father was such a terror. We were six
siblings so my mother was kept busy with just the
household work. I didnt want that for my
children".
In contrast is a drastic
but refreshing change of attitude towards parenthood. No
more imposition of parents wishes on the child.
More of a lets-talk-about-it approach. No more
"If you get a boyfriend, Ill shoot him".
Instead "If you ever like a guy, I want you to come
and tell us". No more "You have to become a
doctor/engineer". Rather "Do whatever you want
but work hard and try to excel in it".
Twentytwo-year-old Shuchi Batra sums it up,
"Ultimately, I make my own decisions but I discuss
them with my parents. They help me make more informed
decisions".
In a popular programme
on TV Just Mohabbat, parents are shown trying
their best to dispense with the dreaded generation gap.
They are very upset that their teenaged son doesnt
have a girlfriend. They tell their son, "Why
dont you get a girlfriend, blow up our hard- earned
money on her, take her out in our car and get a dent or
two? Why dont you do the things teenagers are
supposed to do and parents are supposed to get angry
about"?
Unlike such zealous
parents, there are others who admit they were forced to
change somewhere along the rocky path of parenthood. I
was a really strict parent till my children reached their
teens. Then I dont quite know how the relationship
changed. Todays children are much better informed.
I could talk to my children almost as equals. I enjoyed
their company. They could logically rationalise their
decisions so I had to listen. The equation changed
gradually and grew friendlier. Also, I realised that if I
wanted to be a part of their lives, I would have to
change, Manasi Kapoor confesses candidly.
While this trend is
laudable, others are quick to caution it might be nothing
more than a superficial, cosmetic change. Parents might
convey the impression of being modern and progressive,
but scratch the surface and their conservatism is
revealed. Look around and youll see the number of
parents still keen on their children becoming doctors or
engineers. The parents who would still rather choose a
bride for their son than have him choosing one himself.
Meenakshi Chadha points out, "Tell me how many
parents actually impart sex education to their children
today"?
Some hiccups
notwithstanding, the parent-child relationship is
undeniably changing. The generation gap, cause of a lot
of problems in this relationship, is decidedly
suffocating. The narrower the gap, the healthier the
relationship.
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