Waiting for the moon
This 'n' that
By Renee Ranchan

WITH Karvachauth round the corner, it is mandatory to discuss it. Yes, it is the day when married women — young, old and not-so-old — fast and pray for their husbands’ long, healthy and happy life. With the emphasis, of course, on ‘long’. And this ‘fast’ is not of the ordinary variety, where you can gulp a glassful of milk, munch your favourite fruit. With a fast of this menu you cannot say you have missed out on a meal, right? The Karvachauth fast, on the other hand, is a rigorous one. From dawn to dusk, even a drop of water to wet that parched tongue of yours is prohibited. However before marching on, I must, make a correction: It is not a dawn-to-dusk exercise but a dawn-to-moonlight one. Till the moon makes an appearance, not even a single drop of water is to be taken. And speak of the forces of nature operating against you... the moon, the much-awaited moon, has a way of making a tardy appearance that day. Upon espying the moon, you can at last break your fast.

On this day, as we all know, married women dress themselves in their finest silks. Some women — they need not be the newly married ones — even dress themselves in their bridal finery. Bridal dress or not, all of them wear chunks of jewellery. The clink of bangles is a familiar sound. The dresscode entails bright and happy colours. In other words, the husband’s long life will ensure that widowhood is out of question. Karvachauth, observed mainly in North India, calls for a number of rituals. Most of our feel-good, schmaltzy movies have one scene portraying the Karvachauth splendour... hundreds of diyas lining the terrace, bejewelled women wearing devoted expressions that give them a sort of spiritual aura and there are songs, of course, which offer a prayer for the better-half’s long life. The rituals include the presentation of a gift by the bedecked lady to her ma-in-law — a form of gratitude to the older lady for gifting the daughter-in-law her son.

In the evening the women of the neighbourhood gather at one lady’s home or an open courtyard to offer prayers. After that, the women exchange pleasantries (more on the lines of gossip) and religiously register each other’s jewellery and apparel. And then they head home. Not, however, before each of them makes a mental note: the husband had better upgrade her stock of trinkets.

Back home, begins the beginning of a long wait. For the moon which as said before, takes its own sweet time to make it to the skies.

Before embarking further, there a couple of questions: The present times are marked by a continuous tug of war between modernity and traditionalism. So in this confused, neither-here-nor-there climate, where exactly does Karvachauth fit in? And does it really have the yesteryear sanctity, what with women in many cases being the providers of the family? And with the hectic pace of life, where is the leisure to deck-up and keep an all-day fast? Now to halt and hear what women of different social stratas have to say about Karvachauth.

Nirupama, a lower-middle class working woman, does not appreciate the Karvachauth fast but has observed the day every year for the past 11 years of her married life. Her reason: Her husband would be terribly upset if she did not keep it. And life doled out too many moments of tension so there was no point adding another to the lengthening list. Her neighbour silently agrees, telling you that our society is obsessed with rituals.

Two houses away, Anjali, a typist in a government organisation, politely informs you that this shubh day is indeed "shubh". It strengthens the husband-wife relationship, acts as the necessary fixative. Kum-kum, her colleague, agrees and with a twinkle in her eyes says the day brings the romance back in a couple’s life. And how pray, does that come about? The lady, in-between mouthfuls of her lunch, explains: "Men are big babies who need more than the prescribed share of ego-massaging and on Karvachauth, they are given top billing, made Hero Number One. And after all this fuss is made over them, they feel rather grateful and so in return, are all warm, affectionate and ready to buy the ‘good wife’ a piece of jewellery". And the lady’s parting line was: If Karvachauth does all that, is it not worth its weight in gold?

Sonia is a doctor, and married to one. She speaks of how most wives are superstitious. Suppose this fast was not observed and something ‘bad’ happened to your husband soon after, would you not think that in some strange, unexplainable way you were responsible for the ‘bad turn of events’? (This coming from an educated woman, a professional to boot!) A male doctor tells you that despite the dramatic change in the social fabric of society, the majority of women keep this arduous fast. Why? The husband expects it. And even if that is not the case, he still expects you to honour this tradition. Continuity comes via tradition. And if these reasons do not exist, the lady’s in-laws expect you to honour this day, the doctor chuckles. "They would have doubts about your commitment to their son". In nutshell: Why rock the family apple-cart?

And did you know that there actually has come up a means of keeping the fast, and yet not exactly keeping it? How can you do both? By "snacking on the sly", informs a lady who, of course, did not want to be named. And then what about the new brand of Karvachauth, which I am told is catching on in our big cities. In this Karvachauth, believe it or not, the husbands fast alongside their wives. To ensure a long life for the ‘Mrs’ as well. "I think it is the honourable thing to do", gushes one young husband. We can hardly wait for the moon to show up, after which we attack the kitchen". Other ‘progressive husbands’ may not go to that extent. Many, however, make it a point to return home early, hold the wife’s hand till the moon appears and the needful rituals are done. "Participation, that is the only way to make a relationship work", says the vice-president of a company. "And that applies in a marriage too". The man keeps ‘a half-day fast’ on Karvachauth. His way of ‘participating’.

Before going, a few more things. The ‘90s has been all about marketing — packaging, presentation and purchasing. So the Karvachauth spirit too arrives in a new avtaar. There are suhaag-pataaris, trendy baskets with a make-up kit, sindoor, bangles, bindis and other for-the-occasion accessories. And you can sufficiently impress dear sasso-ma with vrat-thalis, available with your mithai-wallah.

For now, however, let us forget the arguments — whether this ‘fast’ works as a marital cohesive, whether it is just about getting it done and ove with, etc__ and let us make a collective wish. May the moon make an early appearance this year....