Net picking

Happily married

IT was the night of the worst blizzard of the year. The streets were filled with drifting snow, and the winds were howling fiercely. A man, covered with snow and frost, enters a bakery. He says to the baker, "I’ll have one roll." The baker wraps the one roll and asks if there’s anything else he can get him.

"No, that’s it," says the man, "just one roll."

The baker says, "You came out on the worst night of the year to buy just one roll?"

The man says, "Yes, for just one roll."

The baker asks, "Are you married?"

The man says, "Of course. Do you think my mother would send me out on a night like this?"

Trained parrot

There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her. So her first son bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.

Her second son bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking her would surely win her approval.

The third son had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot that had been training for 15 years to memorise the entire Bible. You could ask of him any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it’s really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it’s much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don’t need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don’t drive and I really don’t like that

driver, so please return the car."

Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son I just want to thank you for that most thoughtful gift.

That chicken was delicious."

The haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it."

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father’s study

where his father said,

"Son, I’ve been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I’ve been

thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long

hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...."

To which his father replied... "Yes, and they ‘walked’ every where they went!"

The devilish in-law

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared at the front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the Church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked

up to the man and said, "Don’t you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren’t you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain’t," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren’t you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

The break-in

Two thieves decided to break into a rich man’s house one night. To avoid being seen by anyone they decided to enter through the chimney. Unaware that the rich man was at home the first thief began to climb down the chimney, quite noisily.

"Who’s there?" asked the rich man.

"Meow, meow," said the first thief imitating a cat. Convinced that it was only a cat the rich man went back to watching the television. After a while the second thief began to make his way down the chimney, just as noisily as the first thief.

"Who’s there?" asked the rich man once again.

Convinced that he could trick the rich man the second thief replied quite confidently:

" It’s just another cat, sir!"

(These jokes have been culled from various sites on the Internet by Sunil Sharma)