Care while you control
By V.K. Bhatia & Sunita Saighal

WHAT is indiscipline? Freedom misused is indiscipline. We can also say that when freedom and responsibility don’t go side by side, indiscipline is created. We have given freedom to our children, but not responsibility. We can also say that they have not accepted the responsibility.

Here’s a glimpse of indiscipline amongst children in our homes: Your child does not get up in the morning at the scheduled time. He or she takes a bath leaving the towel in the bathroom or on the bed. His uniform made is laid out by parents. His mother has to pack up the tiffin and water bottle because he got up late and he does not have the time to do his own work.

When he comes back from school, he throws his shoes and socks carelessly under the bed or under the cupboard. Lunch is served on the table and he is busy watching television or talking to his friends over the phone. He does not do his homework in time and seeks your help at the eleventh hour to complete it.

He does not accept your advice and has the courage to answer back rudely.

If you want to find the cause of such behaviour, please go back to your own childhood. There used to be five to six children in the family. Parents were very strict with them. The mother could single-handedly control all the six children in the family. This was because there was no freedom of choice in food, clothing etc; there was no exposure to media; children were afraid of their parents; there was no freedom to judge whether parents were wrong or right and children used to take on household responsibilities at a very early age.

However, don’t take it to be the appropriate way of bringing up children. It had its own drawbacks like subdued personalities. The advantage was that there was no indiscipline.

In the present scenario, things are entirely different. We have now given our children freedom of speech and choice in matters of clothing and food. There are just two children in the family and you can fulfil their needs easily. Parents are rather killing ourselves to satisfy our children, without analysing whether their desire is genuine or not.

In order to bring discipline in the house, we have to change ourselves first.

We can, perhaps, look for a balance. We should neither be rigid like the parents three to four decades back nor be as susceptible as parents are today.

Love and understanding is the answer to many problems. Don’t show your love by giving the children a new dress or a visit to a hotel but by giving them the assurance that you care for them.

Give them quality time, ask them about their problems and offer solutions to them.

Freedom of choice should be there, but certain checks are necessary, in tune with one’s financial condition.

The child’s freedom of speech should be moulded and improved with love. We should be role models for our children. We must behave in the manner that we want them to behave.

Don’t discipline your child by beating, thrashing or kicking.

Children should have faith in you and be convinced that you are always available for them.

Give your child a space to grow. Don’t impose too many dos and don’ts but teach the child to be independent at an early age.

Moreover, parents should keep away from drinking, smoking, gambling and speculation. A daily prayer schedule is important.