Of snores and bores
By Roshni Johar

VERY few snorers admit that they snore, though a quarter of world’s population does it. Strangely men outsnore women by six to one.

It is amusing, irritating and at times even disgusting to see a person make these night-time rumblings - the twitching of nostrils, the lifting of lips, the heaving of facial muscles — the guttural sounds which have been variously compared to the starting of an old railway steam engine as well as a motorbike, the taking - off of an Concorde, the roar of an animal in the wilds, the sawing of wood and even a pressure cooker! I wonder if our ancient texts have a raga on snoring.

No snorer has made it to a place of honour in the Guinness Book of World Records, for the loudest snore, though Britain’s record-holding snorer is Melvyn Switzer with 82 decibels. The Noise Abatement Society affirms that 80 decibels is the "danger level" for our ears. Should there be a tax on snorers for noise pollution?

Once eleven chronic snorers, which included nine men and two women, were invited by a British hotelier to spend a complimentary night in his new hotel. He wanted "to test how sound proof his hotel rooms" were!

Ian Robin’s has rightly commented, "Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone." Snoring bothers others more than the snorer himself. Of course, no one likes to listen to snores. In the West, it is a major cause of divorce. Perhaps the partners of snoring spouses, should use ear plugs!

Grandparents complain that their grandchildren often do not welcome them in their homes, because of their snoring.

The rich and the famous also suffer from this syndrome. Prince Charles had his snores taped when he was a student in a Gordonstoun School. Emie Wise, a comedian, is also a sufferer. Our politicians who fall asleep in the Parliament, must be snoring there too. The developed countries should have a snorer’s museum like Madame Tassaud’s in London or like the Ripley’s Believe It or Not in St. Augustine in Florida, where recording of the snores of the famous, The Bold and the Beautiful can be kept for posterity.

What causes snoring? Medically termed as stertor, it is caused by some obstruction to normal breathing during sleep or when in coma. Snoring starts when vibrations take place, as the muscular walls at the back of the mouth i.e. buccal cavity and the nose, relax in deep sleep. Sometimes vocal chords are also involved. Adenoids, common cold, sinusitis or any kind of respiratory problem can trigger off snoring. It can also be due to incorrect breathing habits. Drugs like tranquilizers and antihistamines and even smoking and alcohol can aggravate it. Obesity can also lead to snoring.

In the West, snoring is considered to be a symptom of a serious disease that can lead to a loss of memory, impotency, heart ailments and even a violent death!

So next time your spouse snores, treat it as an emergency and call in a doctor immediately, who will put the patient through a series of medical tests and then refer to a snore specialist!

In the USA some ENT specialists perform ‘snore-ectomy’ which is a surgery removing those fleshy parts of the throat, which cause a obstruction in normal nasal breathing.