This 'n' that
What exactly are honeymoons for?
By Renee Ranchan

WITH the marriage season in full swing, how can you not think of a honeymoon? It is remarkable how a wedding has an effect on you. And that too when you are neither the bride nor the groom! You could become misty-eyed and think of the promise a marriage holds. After all, marriage is supposed to be the chapter of the story that ends with the line "and they lived happily ever after". Most of us cherish fairy tales, right?

Then why is it that most of the marriages lose their magic, and that too at the honeymoon stage? Today, we shall speak solely of honeymoons-- the word has a schmaltzy, sugary ring to it. What exactly are honeymoons for? Is it a way of getting to know each other? The same person you have promised to cherish for better or for worse? A break-the-ice ritual? Both quantity and quality time spent with your life partner before getting down to the bland business of everyday domesticity -- a routine which leaves little room for anything else? Or then is honeymoon just another name for recuperation? Weddings, however simple, are no simple affairs. Who does not know about the toll shopping takes of one’s health and resources?

And what about the guests that have to be dealt with, the arrangements of varied kinds that have to be made for them while keeping that smile intact? All the rituals leave you sleep- starved and exhausted. Or as the British would say, completely knackered. Or, perhaps, honeymoons have been ‘devised’ to hand it to you slowly that "marriage is no bed of roses". You have to work to make any relationship work, and in a marriage more so. You begin this ‘work’ during the honeymoon on a happy note. Perhaps, there is no one answer. And so, in that case, a honeymoon is for all the stated reasons. Analyses a recently married lady, "Had it not been for my mom, I would never have gone on a honeymoon." Her story: Number one, the idea of ‘honeymooning’, telling all and sundry, that you were off on a ‘honeymoon’, made her feel self-conscious. And, secondly, having married into a joint family she had thought it was important she, to quote her, ‘broke into the family’ before dancing off to Kulu-Manali. Her mother, however, would hear none of it. And going by the young woman’s glowing complexion you just have to believe the saying that ‘mothers know best’. The bride’s mum’s logic: Honeymoons are not vacations so they cannot be postponed. Plus a honeymoon would help her rid herself of that unnecessary self-conscious streak. Lastly, joint-family living, especially in these rushed, no-time-to-smell-the-roses times, would at times get to be a bit too much. And, therefore, a honeymoon is what you need before you settle down to get an earful from your mother-in-law.

And then we have Jatin who is just back from his honeymoon. He animatedly tells you that honeymoons are a must. In other words, they are an extension of the wedding ceremony-- the last part of the ceremony, actually. "The couple learn to feel comfortable, to be at ease with one another. And though you may be marrying a person of your choice, someone who you think you may know intimately, believe me living with the same person is an altogether different ball-game", pronounces this husband of two weeks. With this pronouncement walks in his aunt who is another supporter of honeymoons. She catalogues her reasons: Most marriages being arranged, it is important for the couple to have some time all alone together. Before the marriage, most meetings are generally edgy and so it is only while on the honeymoon that the couple gets better acquainted with one another and begin to let down their hair. The lady, though, is quick to add that does not mean that couples who are deeply and devotedly in love do not need honeymoons. Secondly, whenever you feel low, there is always your honeymoon to perk you up. "Lastly", says this honeymoon-advocate, "this is the one time in your life where you can really splurge, take out all the stops, have a good time without feeling guilty for doing so. Honeymoons are for having fun, no"?

At this point, the 50-something lady has this dreamy look in her eyes, you guess she is recalling her own honeymoon while you quietly slip away.

Then we have this couple which counts itself as ‘happily married’. Their seventh anniversary was just a couple of days away. The couple, however, had not managed to go for a honeymoon. Though they both agree that their marriage would not have been any stronger or weaker had they taken a romantic, mushy, let’s-hold-hands trip yet they wistfully wish they had! "It is an experience we unfortunately missed out on", says the husband. His wife adds, "Now if we plan to take that official ‘honeymoon’ it would not be the same. Both of us are different people today. We look at each other with that accustomed feeling".

Now to get away from these all-for-honeymoon people and detour. So what do you say to some humour? At our honeymooners’ expense? Did you know that three out of five of these love birds that decide to head for a hill station do not take into account the climatic conditions. And so a bride trying to balance herself in a pair of stilettos while manoeuvring her way down a steep slope is a common sight. Fine, you do have a sturdy hand to hold but all the same why play the part of an ‘accident waiting to happen’. And socks, do not these ice-cold feet, especially those toes that are gingerly sticking out of those sandal straps, need them? That’s not all, what pray is the dulhan doing without a sweater? And why is that shawl not put to use; how come it daintily drapes the shoulders and is not wrapped around for warmth, for protection against cold? The sari, of course, is lovely but must a heavy sari be worn when you are strolling up and down a market place? Our grooms are no better. A three piece hip-hugging suit, leather shoes, nylon socks? Sweater casually tied around the waist. This while in the thick of winter .

Perhaps, it is our Hindi films which are responsible for this. Heroines can prance around in the snow wearing a sleeveless top. In the same clime, a T-shirt is enough for that torso with those bulging muscles of our desi hero. Or perhaps, it is about being at that impress-each-other stage... Even our late-in-life couples, read better-marry-before-the-boat-is-missed types, like to indulge in this dress-code.

Then there are group honeymoons — no, do not get the wrong idea. Group honeymoons are all about couples going off to one honeymoon spot together — akin to a group tour. Whatever happened to the idea of acquainting yourself with the other? To privacy? To sharing a simple meal and savouring it without the distractive cacophony of a conducted tour? Yes, honeymooners can make an absolute joke of themselves, too.